Relearning to Love {Book Four} The Mentalist

6: Again

I sat talking to Cho about things. The others were not here yet, so it was just me and him. We were talking about a few things, but I was not looking forward to the thing he asked next. 

"So how was your meeting with Matt?" Cho asked me and I groaned. 

"I have to go back for more meetings," I tell him. Other than that, I think it helped a bit. I don't know Cho. I just don't know what to do." 

"I think you do," he told me sitting down, me sitting with him. "I just think you are too afraid to admit that you do. You just want to be happy, and you want the love of a family, and Patrick gave you all of that. Now that he is gone it seems like you don't want to be happy." 

"I do Cho." 

"Then stop acting like you have to find him ever moment you are awake. Live your life. It was given to you for a reason. You are strong enough to get through this and find him. I know you are." 

"Thanks Cho." 

"Anytime. So how is Brayson?" he asked me looking at his hands. 

"He is fine. He is enjoying college so far. There are not many problems we had to face, besides the fact that he wants to call me up every single time he is sick." 

We talked for a while, and then went to work. I took what Cho said and didn't even look at the Red Star case until it was the only case I had to look at. I felt like the weight of the world was taken off my shoulder. I worked until my shift was over and I headed home. I turned on some music that Alexis was listening too the other day. Then a song come on that changed my whole mood. 

It said something that reminded me of him. The words described what I felt for him perfectly, you would think that I had wrote it. Patrick's hear did break with every injustice and deadly fate he could not stop. He used to pray that it was all new with his wife and daughter back again, and I imagine he wants to be with me again. He really did live like it depended all on him, not really caring about others when it came to his plans. 

I pulled into my drive way and I started to cry. I couldn't ignore Patrick being gone and acting like that was okay. I knew it. No one could ever make me happy again, not like I used to. It was just something that I needed, his laugh, his voice, his touch, him. I just have to see him everyday and see him drinking from that tea glass. I have to hear him make fun of me with caring with in his voice. How he has to make sure I am okay to get that worried look off of his face. It was hard to explain without going into a long and boring story about what I wanted to see from him.  

I guess I put too much of my happiness into him. Maybe I should move on and be happy. I groaned and placed my forehead on steering wheel. I was at war with myself. Again. Did I want this or that? Did I want Patrick or do I want happiness? Do I want to relearn to love or keep wasting my days away hoping to find a lost man? 

I sighed and got out of my car. I saw Alexis sitting on the couch watching a movie with Austin. I smiled at the two. I was glad that my children had love when I couldn't make up my mind. I walked in and Alexis waved at me. 

"Hi Mom," she said and went back to her movie. I smiled and kept walking to my room. I opened the door and sitting on the bed was a dozen yellow roses. I looked at them in wonder before looking at the note. 

Don't forget me Missy. I hope you like your favorite flower. Please just try to be happy. I don't want you to be in a grieving state when I get back. -Patrick 

I smiled at the note and smelled the roses. Yellow roses where my favorite flower. I loved the color, the shape, the size, the smell. Patrick used to get me these when ever he wanted to get me a gift, but he never really made it big unless it was on my birthday or Christmas. I placed them in the vase I had on my dresser, the thing already filled with water from the last flowers I was going to put in there but didn't. I looked at them and felt like Patrick was there with me, in the same house, not far, far away. 

So I have nothing to say really. The song Missy was listening to is on the side, has is the roses she got. I hope you liked this chapter, don't forget to comment, vote, and maybe follow me. Peace out my Stars!