Relearning to Love {Book Four} The Mentalist

4: The Nightmare

I was lying in bed with Patrick again. My head was on his chest like it normally was when we fell asleep. I wasn't wondering why he was here since he wasn't going to be when I woke up. It was a dream and I was going to enjoy it like I should since this is what it is. 

"Missy?" Patrick asked me and I looked up at him. 

"Yes?" I asked back, making him laugh. 

"What is wrong with you?" 

"What do you mean?" 

"Lately you have been crying all day. You don't seem to be into your job like you used to be, and you just don't seem happy. Even today when Matt came you just seemed to want to push him away. Why Missy? Just because I'm gone?" 

"Patrick, you know the answer to that question. Why are you even trying to talk me out of my upset state? Once I find you, I will be happy again. It's just a matter of time." 

"Maybe. Missy, I want you to be happy now, though. I don't want to come home and hear about what a mess you were just because of me." 

"I'll try Patrick. I promise." 

"I know you will angel. I know you will. I have to go." 

"What?" I asked has he stood up in his normal suit with a smile at me. He walked out the door and I stood up to follow him. I looked around the hall, but it wasn't my hall. It was a place I wasn't familiar with, like I just come here. I looked through doors to find Patrick, and I heard a gun go off. 

No, I thought running towards the sound. Please don't be what I think it is. 

I opened the door and say the same six stars that have been in my thoughts for so many years. They were over a man who had cuts and shoots on his body. His blue eyes looked up at the ceiling, and his blond hair was in a mess. I walked over to him with tears in my eyes. I leaned down and closed his eyes and took the note that was lying on his chest to read it. 

Should have looked harder Missy Jane. Now your husband his dead. How many more deaths will you let happen because you can't catch us? -Red Stars 

I sat there crying over Patrick's body, not sure what to do. I cried and cried until I sat up in bed looking around. I ran my hand through my long hair, thinking about the dream. 

It was more of a nightmare. I was afraid one day that I would find Patrick dead, all because I couldn't find him. What would I do then? I couldn't handle that pressure about finding him, and I think anyone who looks for a loved one has this thought. Would his blood be on my hands? Would it be my fault for being late? These questions had no answers, but hurt the same no matte who it was. 

The first part of my dream ran through my head. What was the point of it? Maybe it was me thinking to move on. Maybe it was me wanting to think that Patrick wouldn't want me to be sad, and I knew he wouldn't want me to be this sad. It was hard to tell, but he told me about Matt in my dream. He told me that he wanted to find me happy, not sad when he got back. Was I telling myself that I should be happy and Patrick will understand when he gets here if I moved on? 

No, I can't move on. He was still alive, and I knew it. Okay, let's face it, my mind told me, you are at war with yourself. Should you be happy or should you be upset just to wait on a man who you may never see again. A guy like Matt isn't just going to wait for you. 

He doesn't even know me, I snapped at myself. I didn't know if he liked me or even wanted to know me. He might just be a nice guy who wanted to help the woman who he made crash into a pole. That might just be it. End of story, no more to it. 

Yet he didn't seem to be that kind of guy. He seemed like he wanted to know more about me, wanted to make sure I was alright. How can I ignore that? I couldn't, I knew that. Plus you were going to have to see him if you want to keep your job. 

I sighed and laid back down. I was right, and so was Lisbon. I needed to get this all out, and to stop being at war with myself. So tomorrow I was going to go see Matt and get it all out. Tomorrow was going to be one hell of a day, I just knew it. 

So I'm not going to say much since this took forever to save! I don't know why, it just wouldn't save so I'm just going to hope for the best in publishing this chapter! Sorry if you are only seeing this tomorrow cause of stupid stuff. Peace out my Stars!