Relearning to Love {Book Four} The Mentalist

17: You Did What?

I walked into work the next Tuesday. No one mentioned me punching Bill, and I don't even know if they knew I did it. It felt good for a few moments, the fact I hurt him. Then he told me what he was going to do to Patrick, and then sent pictures. Patrick no longer looked like he could pass for the man I loved. He didn't even look like a man anymore, but a hurt puppy just wanting the pain to be gone. 

I sat at my desk, and started the paper work I had to do, and then looked at Patrick's case. I added the pictures Bill gave me, and I sighed again. How was I ever going to save him? I didn't know. I just know I had to do it soon before I did something that made Bill do something worse than beat Patrick. 

"Missy?" Lisbon asked me, and I looked up at her. She had paper in her hand, and she looked upset about something. 

"Yes Lisbon?" I asked back. 

"We have someone coming to take Jane's place," she told me sitting the paper on my desk. He had red hair, green eyes, and pale skin. I couldn't see how a man like that could ever take Patrick's job. I looked up at her, and saw his name. Joey Begley. Great. 

"We are replacing Patrick?" I asked her. 

"I don't want to, but I have to," she answered. 

"You have to? I don't think you have to, I think that you are just going to do." 

"Thomas, it's not like that. I don't want to replace Jane, it's just I don't think he is ever coming back." 

"You don't think he will ever come back? You don't know anything about him! I'm going to find him, and then we can get rid of this guy. I don't think that we have to do anything with him, and I don't think he can replace Patrick." 

"Someone has to do it." 

"Lisbon, no one can ever replace Patrick. No one will ever come close to replacing him. I'll play alone saying we need him, but I won't act like I want him here. I won't try to hid that it doesn't bother me. I've done it before and it wasn't pretty when I failed to do it anymore." 

"Thomas, you might want to go out and calm down. Come back when you think you can not snap at me like that again." 

I stood up and walked out of the building. The air felt good after being in there for so long. I didn't want this man to come in acting like he could take Patrick's place. He didn't need to come here. We didn't need to replace Patrick since we could get him back. And Lisbon didn't think that I could find him and bring him back. I thought she cared about him. I should have know that she didn't. 

I walked towards the one person I knew who would listen. I might even get him to kiss me and I can be done with all the pain, the hurt, everything. I opened the door to Matt's office, and Matt looked up with a smile. 

"Missy," he smiled and walked over, taking my hand in his. "What are you doing here?" 

"I needed to calm down, and I thought that maybe you could help me do that," I answered and he nodded. 

"Alright, come on." He lead me to his office, and I sat down on the couch and he sat on the chair. He placed his hand on my knee and smiled at me. "Now what is wrong?" 

"Lisbon is replacing Patrick," I answered. "I don't know if I am okay with that. I just know he is alive, but I know he isn't here. I just don't know," I said hugging my knees. I should have felt something, but this? I just don't know. 

"Well I think you can feel hurt," Matt told me after a while. "He is your husband, and you do know he is alive. Yet I don't think that you should let him being gone control your life. Let him go and live your life like you should, even if you never meant him. Sometimes you have to let the ones you love go and if it loves you back, they will find you again. I think maybe you should try and forget Patrick Jane and move on. You need to relearn to love." 

"But I don't want to forget Patrick." 

"I know, but Patrick isn't coming back." 

"Yes he is!" 

"Missy, it's been two years since anyone has seen Patrick in person. If he was coming back, he would have by now. He would come back, but he isn't here. You have to see that. Everyone else has. Lisbon has, your children have, your team has. Has much has I hate to say it, but Patrick is never coming back." 

I sat there crying has Matt stood up to go get something. Patrick is never coming back. My mind had that swirling around my head, and I didn't want to believe it. Patrick had to come back. Why wouldn't he? I saw pictures, I knew Patrick was alive. But being alive and being here are two different things. I didn't want to say good bye to Patrick. If I did, then I would believe that he was gone. He couldn't be. 

Why was my life now a war of love and happiness? Why when I think that I can be happy I want love? When I want love, I become miserable. What did I ever do to become like this. I had two options. Did I want a life where I sat at my window waiting for a man to come back to me? Or did I want a life where I was happy and enjoyed the time I had left? 

Did I want the love I didn't have at the moment or did I want to relearn love? 

I'm not really sure if I like this chapter or not. Oh well, it will help the story, maybe. I don't know, haha. I hope I didn't bore you all to death. So I have some news. I know I keep adding books to this freaking series, but I planned something that can help me make a fifth book. I don't know the name yet, don't have a cover, but I am going to do one more book. I promise that it will be the last book since I can't drag it on after this one. All I have to say. Peace out my Stars!