Relearning to Love {Book Four} The Mentalist

10: We Have to Work This Out

I sat eating the eggs I made this morning. Alexis was across from me poking them with her fork. We hadn't talked since she yelled at me for going to the fair with Matt. It has been a day since than. It was a Monday, and she was off for spring break. I was due for work whenever Lisbon called me. I put my fork down and looked at Alexis. 

"We have to work this out," I told her, and she looked up, her blue eyes giving me a strange look. 

"About what?" she asked, and I sighed. 

"About me going to the fair. We can't just let that go unnoticed. So how do you feel about it?" 

"I feel hurt. You just went and had a good time without even thinking about Dad. I know he might be gone, but that doesn't mean he is gone forever. I just thought that you cared for him more then to go and do something like this. I feel like you betrayed him." 

"Alexis," I said taking her hand in mine. "I know that the thought of me with someone else hurts. But I can tell you that I will always love your father. Nothing will ever change that. I just feel like I have to go out and have fun every once and a while. That is what Patrick would want. You are going to have to get used to it." 

"I don't want to! If you start to love another guy, then you..." 

"I what?" 

"You won't look for Dad anymore. Then I'll never get to see him again. Only in pictures, and those aren't the same Mom. They're not even close." 

"Sweetie, I understand. I miss him too, and the pictures on the wall might let me see him, but they aren't even close. They can't laugh, they can't tell me a joke to make me smile, they can't hold me or dry my tears. They might have been him at one point, but they aren't really him. Pictures are just paper with ink on them. Only memories, only in the past." 

"Mom, how much do you love him?" 

"So much that I am willing to go out with another guy to make it look like I it doesn't hurt me. They might let him go if they think I have moved on. Plus there is no greater pain than watching the one you love love someone else. Letting him go will let him watch me do it." 

"Do you think it will work?" 

"I don't know Alexis. I just don't know. I hope it does. Once he is free I can kill Bill and then he will be with us forever." 

"Kill Bill?" 

"It's the only way to stop him." 

"Mom, you can't be serious, can you?" 

"I'm afraid I am," I told her looking out the window. She took her hand out of mine, and I looked at me. 

"There has to be some other way out of this," she says. "Can't you just throw him in jail?" 

"Jail won't stop him," I whisper, not able to raise my voice. "It didn't before. Alexis, I promise that I will make sure I don't get charged with murder. I know the risk, but I have to do it. He won't stop hurting people like Patrick, or anyone. Every single person is in danger just because a mad man is out trying to have fun." 

"Mom, just make sure you don't tell me when you do it. I don't want to know the day you killed a person out of rage." 

"Alexis, it is not like that." 

"Sure it isn't." 

"Alexis, open your eyes. I have to do my job, and sometimes a job has to deal with tough choices. These people could have done nothing to me, but I would still have to kill them. I'm sorry it hurts you, but you can't be mad at me forever." 

"I'm not Mom," she said standing up and kissed my check. "I just want you to think about it." 

She walked up the stairs, leaving me to do the dishes. I sighed. I wasn't going to kill them out of revenge. I just want help people who could be hurt by the Red Stars. I want them to pay for killing all those men and women, children and adults. They should learn that they can't do anything like this, and the only way is to take out Bill. It wasn't like I wanted to kill someone, it just had to happen. Like the leave falls, it doesn't want to, but it will no matter what. 

Alright, maybe killing Bill has a bit of revenge in it, but it is not like that is the only reason I'm going to kill him. I know it will feel good to watch the man that haunts my every dream, is the source of my nightmares, will be dead. The man who took my mother and sister, who tricked my father, who has my husband. I won't say it didn't. Yet there is so much more to it then just this. 

Alexis just had to see I wasn't that cruel. I only want what is best for the people I care for and the people who rely on me to save them. I was going to be a hero for taking down the Red Stars, and my prize would be Patrick back with me, not a care in the world, only us. Nothing would hurt us again since, for good reasons, Bill would be dead. 

Now if only I could believe all of that too. 

Hey guys, I don't really have much to say. I do want to tell you all that this book will have 25ish chapters, and that might change. I don't really know, but that is my goal. So hope you like it! Peace out my Stars!