In My Head

If I could just listen

Darkness welcomes me in

I turn back to my sin

I will be condemned for everything I've done

hurting people myself and others

 I don't listen

to their advice or their words

I talk and talk but why can't I listen

they get so mad and I don't understand 

conversations are not one sided

but how am I supposed to wait when I'm used to only talking to me

I'm used to being alone but I don't want to lose him

I can't lose him

he is my everything 

but I keep hurting him

one day he will leave and do better than me

he will find a girl who listens instead of only talking

someone whose perfect 

someone who can protect him

someone who can protect themselves

someone who will love him 

someone who wont hurt him by hurting herself

someone will marry him

and be his forever love

and my worst fear is that

it wont be me

it wont be our first house

it will be his and another girl

a girl who is everything I'm not

A girl who can be there for him and listen

A girl who isn't me

that's all they need to be 

they just can't be me

I want it to be but how can i be the one

when I don't listen

When I push him away

when I do wrong and expect him to think i'm right

when I expect me to be so much more than I possibly can be

I expect myself to be perfect

but I'm not

and I don't listen

If I would only listen

Why is it so fucking hard to listen

If i would just shut my mouth he would know I cared

If I could show him I cared

but I don't know how i can't listen

I don't hear his words 

Maybe one day i will learn to listen

If he doesn't leave me first

I love him more than anything

more than I love my life

I would give up breathing if he needed my breathe

I would die for him in the blink of an eye

I would do anything

but I can't listen

If I could only listen