In My Head

Loosing Control

everything was fine

the usual morning

I wake up with two minutes to be in the car

and i am lacing up my hightops when I ask for my phone

you see i was supposed to get it back today

they said no because of the way i acted the night before

i had not acted out the night before

what were they talking about

Anger rushed through me. 

Without thinking he took control

I couldnt move my body 

Koji was in charge

he picked up the glass cup of water with my hand

I told him no to put it back dont do it

my silent pleas went unheard as the glass hit the floor

What had he done

It wasnt me i didnt do it I called

It wasnt me

My stepdad had me on the shattered glass pinned down

screaming at me as tears ran down my face

It wasnt me I called

they checked the cameras It was me

but I didnt do it i wasnt in controll.

I still wasnt. 

My phone was handed to my little sister

I screamed THATS MINE but no one returned it

i screamed again 

still nothing i charged at her hitting her

begging for it back

I was pulled off

i dug my nails into my skin as mom

told me to stop 

I didnt listen she walked away

more screaming

more silent pleas

He left without me

I sat at home 

crying rocking back and forth wondering

why he did it 

why he made me do it

I didnt do it 

Koji did

but whos gonna believe the killer if they were seen pulling the trigger