She Looks So Perfect

Chapter Six

Calums' POV

I see her everywhere.

She's there, right there as I wake, and when I drift off to sleep. She's in the air I breathe, my dreams and nightmares.

I heard her voice, humming to the tune of an unknown melody. I opened my eyes, the smile fading as I realized she wasn't there, she'll never be back.

She's also there when I fall asleep; sometimes if I wait long enough, so long my eyes refuse to continue to stay open, I'll see her there, watching over me.

Sometimes I dream of her. She'll be sitting right next to me. We won't speak or even touch. We'll just sit there together, looking at each other. Myself, I watch her eyes and the way her lips part ever so slightly when she's focused on something.

But then something peculiar will happen. She'll get up, stand above me, her eyes turning completely black. She'll scream a pitiful scream, an awful noise no one would ever want to hear. Her skin will peel the slightest bit, red oozing out of her veins. I'll always stand up and rather than run, I'll try to comfort her and put her back together. She'll run away, into the streets. I'll follow her just to watch her jump in front of a car. My mind will take my body to her in the middle of the road, where another car will come sweeping by, running me over, causing a blackout.

I see her in the coffee shop I don't dare to enter, the tea I make just to clear my mind, my eyes watering as it boils over.

I was on my way to the studio to rehearse for an upcoming gig. I hadn't had time the previous day to go to the gym, so I decided walking there wouldn't hurt. It was all good, I was going to make it there in good time, when, out of the corner of my eye, I saw her. I did a doubletake, whiplash taking over, but I knew she was there. I searched and searched, staring into the window like a mental patient. People were starting to notice, their eyebrows knit together in pure confusion as they tried to find what I was looking for. I fell back, realizing I was going crazy, pulling my phone out to call Michael, "Mate, I don't think I can make it to practice. I don't feel right."

"It's her, isn't it?" Michael knew, he always knew. Next to her, he was the only person that full understood me. I hung up, calling for a cab. I wasn't capable of walking, the night of her death still fresh in my mind. It might have been months since it happened, but I don't think it'll ever go away.

The cab took me straight home. I stumbled in my house, collapsing onto the floor, the tears dripping endlessly. I sobbed and sobbed; I didn't think it would stop. I had only imagined her walking past me and into the coffee shop she so dearly adored, and I was that messed up.

As soon as I felt calm enough to function, there was a knock at the door. I found myself staring at my bandmate, Michael. He walked in, pulling me to the couch, sitting me next to him, "Now are you just going to cry or are we going to talk about it?" He smiled. I buried my face into the cushion, "I thought I saw her at the coffee shop."

He didn't reply for a minute, and I honestly thought he had left. I took my face out of the pillow and saw him still sitting next to me.

"Calum, don't worry about the practice today and we'll try again tomorrow. As for you, go get some sleep."

"Mikey, you don't understand she's there too."

He turned around from the door he was suddenly standing at, "Calum, she will be with you for the rest of your life. She'll always be there for you in spirit. Whether she becomes an angel to you or a demon, that's your choice. People grieve differently. You can't avoid her, you shouldn't." And he walked out. It might have seemed like a harsh thing to do, but what he said to me was all I needed.