She Looks So Perfect

Chapter Ten

I was more than excited to continue my ventures with Elizabeth. I was ready, too ready, and nothing would stop me from enjoying myself. The giddy feeling, starting in my stomach and travelling to my cheeks, the intense feel grabbing me and holding tight.

We were practicing that day, and then we would go for some lunch together. I was texting Rylie, and ended up inviting her to lunch and the studio for a little sneak peak into our recording sessions. I knew it was wrong, to go from Rylie straight to Elizabeth, but it felt so right at the time.

Rylie stayed for the rest of band practice, but the boys didn't seem to mind; they really liked her, "Luke," she batted her eyes and smirked, "would you mind taking me home? My friend doesn't get off work for another hour." I silently huffed, wanting to get to Elizabeth as soon as I could. But I couldn't say no, even if I wanted to.

I smiled and grabbed her coat, saying my goodbyes to the boys. I've only been to her house once, and her parents weren't home- I'd never met them. I stopped the car abruptly at her house, looking at her waiting for her departure from the car. She looked back at me, a quirky smirk lying upon her lips. She leaned in and kissed me. I couldn't say I didn't kiss back, and enjoy the emense feeling.

I tore my lips away, realizing I would have Elizabeth's lips on mine in a matter of minutes. I cleared my throat, an awkward smile spread across my face, "Thanks for joining us for practice tonight, I enjoyed you," I said.

"I can assure you, I enjoyed it more," and she got out. Well fuck me.

I decided I would drive around the block before going to Lizzy's, just to clear my head. I turned up the radio and calmed down a little, the beat rummaging through my emotions and throwing them about. I took a back road and was on my way to her house.

~

It started in my palms, the tingling feeling followed by a little sweat. I ignored it, blaming it on nerves. Her quivering lips touched mine as I reached her sweet spot. It travelled to my upper arms, goose bumps immersing my biceps. I shivered, continuing to ignore my body. She rolled over on top of me, my hands finding her hips as they ground on me. It found my legs and torso, a flaming sensation engulfing them. I then felt it. I felt my pants getting tighter, the prominence in the jean material rising. My cheeks instantly flushed, but I knew it was natural, so once again, I ignored it.

She must have noticed, because she laughed into our kiss and followed my body down

neck, she sucked at it, leaving love bites

chest, her lips trailed lightly, giving me chills

torso, feeling immense knots forming

stomach, I was sweating bullets.

I groaned, and laughed a little, because I wasn't used to anything like this. I bared my teeth together as she pulled my pants off of me. Though my body was obviously enjoying this, my mind was not. She rose back up, going back to kissing me as she removed her clothing, my assistance visibly needed.

Just as I was about to enter her, I opened my eyes, and looked into hers. My eyebrows raised, hers as well, "What's wrong, Luke?" she asked, removing hair from in front of her face.

I knew I had to say it, but I physically couldn't. I had to search my entirety for the nerve, and finally said, with a crack in my voice, "I'm so sorry, but it's not you." The room fell silent, the only noise was our breathing.

She nodded, falling down beside me. I sighed, rubbing my face, hoping the growing pain in my head would subside, "Elizabeth, I kno-" "Shhh," she said, sitting up, pulling on a shirt, "I know, I understand. You want it to be special, and I'm just not her. I'm not perfect, and I know that."

"Hey, that's not what I said. Elizabeth, please don't make this hard, I love you," I grabbed her chin, making her look at me. My voice lowered, "I love you, and nothing could change that. But I just know that this isn't the right decision." She nodded again, pulling her pants on and wiping a tear from her eye.

I knew it would be hard to tell her no, but I didn't know she would cry.

She tried to hide her tears, but they just kept coming. I started to feel the same feeling, the one in my throat that meant tears. I knew something was wrong, I knew as soon as I had arrived to her house. My body was telling me to continue, to lose it all right there, but my mind was telling me to wait.

I got out of her bed and dressed myself, her frail body strewn across it in a heap of tears. I felt like just leaving would be bad, so I walked to her side of the bed, "Listen to me, I still love you, okay? I love you and nothing will change that. I really wanted it to be you, but it isn't." She looked up, her eyes moist and bloodshot, a smile strangely placed across her features, "Stop thinking so much about me. I know you love me, I love you too. But she's out there somewhere, and you can't waste your time on me," I smiled so wide. I bent down to kiss her forehead, grabbed my jacket, and left. She had no idea.

On my way home, I couldn't help but to think about the consequences of my actions. What if she really is the one? I've just ruined it for myself. What if she was going to confess her undying love for me and I embarrassed her?

I had to get a grip on reality and remember who I was talking about. Elizabeth would never do that to me. She said herself that she still loved me. She was about to give her love to me, and she just isn't that type.

I found myself at Calum's house, because if anyone knows heartache, it's him. I don't mean to bring up a tender subject, but he would know what to do.

I sucked up the tears and walked into his house, finding him watching tv. He was, obviously, surprised by my random entrance, "It's over," I simply said, plopping down on his couch and grabbing a handful of chips from the convenient bowl sitting inbetween the both of us.

He didn't ask questions and I didn't mind that. We sat watching rerun after rerun, our emotions hidden behind the cheesy dialogue in the dumb romance we were absent-mindedly absorbing.

After four hours, we realized what a day we had wasted. I got off the couch, stretching and awkwardly standing. He finally got around to the questions I dreaded but knew were coming, "What happened?"

I sighed, sitting back in another position on the opposite side of him, "It just didn't work out," I simply stated.

"Why the fuck would you come sit on my couch in silence for four hours just because your relationship 'didn't work out'?" He was right, I've been through breakups before, and never did I once confide in him for unsaid comfort.

I rubbed my eyes, the light and movement of the tele messing with them. He stood up, going to get more chips and some drinks. When he came back, I got up the nerve to revisit the hours prior.

I told him everything, from the dancing to the sexual experiences, all the way to kissing her as I fought back the tears I dreaded releasing.

He sat in awe for a few moments, not knowing what to say. I got up, guessing that was my cue to leave. Maybe he doesn't know how to deal with all kinds of love deprivision.

~

I don't understand what I had ever done to him. I tried to stay strong, and pretend like I knew, but I was just winging it. I wanted to be his first time, him to be mine, but not everyone can live in a fairytale.

The first time I saw him, back when we were nine, I knew that we would become something. Little did I know that "something" would be an emotional rollercoaster, one that we couldn't escape. You always hear the stories, the tales, of people falling in love with their childhood friend, marrying their high school sweetheart, finding the one where you least expect it. He fell under all those categories, yet we didn't fit the stereotypes.

Things change, people change, and nothing ever stays the same. Why the hell can't I stop feeling for him, thinking about him? He's just the boy,no, he's just a boy, and I'm just a girl. There's nothing I can do about his feelings but watch them change for me.