She Looks So Perfect

Chapter Twenty-Four

Song Preference: If These Sheets Were the States by All Time Low

Ashton's POV

I miss her so damn much. It's been two weeks since I had last talked to Cailey. After the day I left the hospital, she called me and told me she knew what happened between Rebecca and I. I don't know how she found out and don't reckon I ever will, but it's breaking me.

Rebecca is nothing, she wasn't anything and she never will be. She was simply a distraction, a getaway from the real world. I didn't realize at the time how selfish of me it was to be doing such a thing, the testosterone completely engulfing my senses. It was utterly terrible of me to even consider sex with anyone else, and I hate myself for it.

I called her, hoping she would answer and just give me a chance to apologize; but she didn't, "Hey babes, this is Cailey. Sorry I'm not here to answer you, I must be busy. Anyways, if you just tell me why you called I'll text you or something, okay?" she giggled, like she always seems to do when she's ran out of things to say, "bye," as the artificial beep came through.

"Cailey, baby, please pick up. I know you're just ignoring me, I know you see my name on your screen. Baby, I know what I did was wrong, I know I shouldn't have done it and believe me, I won't ever think about such a thing again. You're my queen, Cails, you're the one for me. I don't want her; I don't want anyone but you. Sweetheart, honest to God, I'm a wreck right now. I'm a complete wreck without you. I need you, more than you think. And I know that this won't make up for it, this message, I mean. I know I'm going to have to work on myself, and treat you better. But I can't do so if you won't let me. Cailey, give me anoth-" The automated system picked up 'Thank you, goodbye.' And I was disconnected.

I swallowed hard. This hurt me, physically. What now? I wasn't about to go to her house and risk the cops showing up, or her father threatening me. I know I've hurt her, and I know people have noticed; including her parents. What if they never let me see her again? What if she sees my voice message and deletes it without giving it a listen? What if this is it for us? What if we're actually over?

Dammit, that hurt to think about.

~

She had to go back to America. Two years in Australia and she had to go back. Her cute little American accent, put back in its place. I had met her at a gig in downtown Sydney and her American accent made me grow fonder of her. American accents are fucking hot. Once we started dating, I learned she was in Aus for Uni and modeling classes.

Although we hadn't spoken in weeks, I knew she was going back, and missed her so much already. Knowing that she would be back home, around all the men she grew up with and the new ones she's yet to meet; it hurt knowing I wouldn't be able to stop her from doing the same thing I came so close to doing.

~

Four days into Cailey's life back in America, and three weeks into our unspoken break, I got a text in the middle of lunch.

Call me when you can.

From: Cailey

I rushed out of the lounge and into my room without telling Calum, who was sitting next to me, what was happening. I closed the door behind me and pulled up her number, pressing call and waiting impatiently.

"Hello?"

"Cailey," I breathed. It was so nice to hear her voice again.

"Ashton, we need to talk."

"I know, I know. I'm all ears, baby. Tell me what I can do for you to make it all better, and I swear to God I'll do it."

"Promise me I'm the only one."

I was silent for a moment, before realizing she was still on the other side of the phone, "Of course, Cailey. You are, and you always will be."

"Why did you do it then?"

"I don't know. I was horny, and a mess. But I'll never even think about it again. Ever."

"I trust you."

"You do?"

"Yes, Ashton. I do trust you. Don't make me regret that."

We talked for an hour, mostly about pointless things. We spoke about her career and her injury, and how the modeling thing was on hold, "I don't think I'll be able to do it."

"What?"

"With the scars on my legs, and the stress all of the walking and stuff it would put on the bone. I don't think I'll be able to do it," she repeated. That broke my heart. I knew she wanted nothing more than to be a model.

"Babe, I'm so sorry," is all I could really say.

She was silent, "Will you listen to music with me?" I said.

"What? Ash, we're in different countries how-"

"Shhh, get your headphones out."

I waited as there was a rustle in the background of the call, "I've got my headphones in."

"If These Sheets Were the States by ATL."

"I'm ready."

"Me too."

"Go," she said.

"Go," I simply repeated.

~

If these sheets were the states, and you were miles away, I'd fold them end over end to bring you closer to me. I don't sleep at all without you pressed up against me, I'd settle for long-distance calls, I'm lost in empty pillow talk again.

Long distance fucking sucks.