She Looks So Perfect

Chapter Fourteen

Michaels POV

It's been a week and three days since I last talked to Hannah. It hurts me, actually, to know that she doesn't miss me. It ruins me to know that it may be the end for us. I love her, and it fucking kills me to think that I may never get her back.

Although this situation is depressing the hell out of me, I've stayed strong. I haven't missed a band practice or anything, and as far as I know no one has acknowledged anything's happened between us.

Alexza doesn't make things much better. I know I'm supposed to be with her, but Hannah always comes first. When I kissed Alexza that night, I knew it was a horrible idea. The kiss was great, and I don't regret it, but I wish Hannah wouldn't have found out.

I'm not sure how Alexza and I are going to end up. It's supposed to be us for another 9 months, but I honestly don't know if I can handle it.

All of this is confusing me, my head is spinning and sometimes I find myself holding my breath. My heart races, and at least one of them is always on my mind.

Why me? Why do I get the confusing relationships? Luke has Rylie. Ash has Cailey. Okay, so Calum isn't doing good either. But he's working on it. He's really come out of his depression. I still worry about him.

We're in a writing session. Luke and Calum are huddled in separate corners jotting down ideas and flipping through notes in their journals, and Ashton is sitting at a table piecing stuff together.

We all have journals. I think Luke's is the best. We've never read one another's, but his lines and ideas are always the best.

He's probably the best writer out of all of us. Not only does he write with imagery, but he writes with emotion too. He hides all of his emotion on the outside, but it all comes out on paper.

That's the unfortunate thing about him. From our spectrum, he looks fine, happy, healthy. But put him in a writing session, and worry begins to flood your mind. One of us often ends up pulling him aside to ask if he's alright; he always says yes.

We had started on a new song and most of the lyrics I had come up with. To be honest, the night Hannah and I split (Do I say that? Did we split?) I wrote a lot. It wasn't stanzas or rhymes, but just the pain I felt. Earlier in the day, I put them together in a decently rhythmic pattern, and decided it was time to share it with the lads,

"Boys, I think I have a bit," I said, moving to where I was in front of them. They looked up from their journals and put down their pens, "Go," Ash said.

I turned to the correct page and wiped my sweating palms on my skinny jeans. Three years with these boys, plenty of shared secrets and emotions, many writing sessions, and I still get nervous when discussing my efforts,

"When I close my eyes and try to sleep, I fall apart, I find it hard to breathe. You're the reason. Even though my dizzy head is numb, I swear my soul is never giving up, you're the only reason."

I gave an awkward pause and glanced up at them. They were staring back at me, emotionless. I gave a half-smile and sat back down at the table to await their feedback.

~

They liked it. Calum hugged me after the session and Ash asked if I was okay. Luke stayed to himself, but I didn't have a chance to ask if he was alright.

Two weeks later, we had the main lines of the song. It revolved around the girl being the only reason that the boy is still alive. We had the Madden brothers from Good Charlotte come in and critique us. We ended up with a song called The Only Reason.

"Don't talk, let me think it over. How we going to fix this, how we going to undo all the pain? Tell me, is it even worth it? Looking for a straight line, taking back the time we can't replace. All the crossed wires, just making us tired, is it too late to bring us back to life? When I close my eyes and try to sleep I fall apart I find it hard to breathe; you're the reason, the only reason. Even though my dizzy head is numb I swear my heart is never giving up. You're the reason, the only reason.

I feel you burning under my skin. I swear I see you shining, brighter than the flame inside your eyes. Bitter words spoken, everything's broken, it's never too late to bring us back to life?

When I close my eyes and try to sleep I fall apart, I find it hard to breathe. You're the reason, the only reason. Even though my dizzy head is numb, I swear my heart is never giving up. You're the reason, the only reason.

Don't talk, let me think it over. How we going to fix this, how we going to undo all the pain?

When I close my eyes and try to sleep, I fall apart, I find it hard to breathe. You're the reason, the only reason. Even though my dizzy head is numb I swear my heart is never giving up. You're the reason, the only reason."

I sang it to Hannah. I saw her outside of the school today and I couldn't just leave again. I walked up to her, and grabbed her forearm softly. She turned and when she saw me, her eyes rolled and she continued walking, "Hannah, just give me a second. I promise I can fix this."

She huffed and turned around, her blonde hair flowing in front of her face. She gracefully tucked it behind her ear as her arms crossed at her chest. I looked at her with the eyes of a beggar, silently asking for another chance.

Her lips curved into a smile as she dropped her gaze to the grass, "Come with me to my car. Give me five minutes."

We trailed off to my car as the bell rang; the look in her eyes faltering. I rubbed her back to soothe her as she sat against the outside of the vehicle, "I wrote a song and I want to sing it to you," I said, my voice and hands trembling. This was special to me, and I wanted her to know that.

When it was over, I looked up to her from behind my fringe. I could see a smile forming, which caused a burning in my stomach. She was still for a moment, but then her school bag dropped to the ground and her arms found her way around my neck. Mine found her waist, the feeling of her in my arms once again felt so right. She pulled away from me and smiled, her hand finding her way to my hair, her lips placed on mine.

It felt good to know that even through all the shit, we can find our way back to each other. I was happy again.