Elements (Pentatonix)

Chapter 17

"Sweetheart? There's someone here to see you."

The sound of the crackling fire in front of me had managed to keep me calm for the most part, at least until I heard my mother's voice cut through the otherwise still air. "No," I said as I stared down at my lap. Sure, it hurt to say I didn't want to see anyone, but their safety was more important than that.

It's exactly why I had to get rid of the picture. While it tied me to my brother, it also tied me to my friends. A tie I had to break off completely no matter how much I didn't want to. I stood up and took a deep breath, though just before I tossed it into the flames, a large gust of wind easily diminished the fire and whipped my hair across my face defiantly. Without realizing it, I had gripped the picture tightly in my hand to keep it from blowing away, and from the suddenness of the wind, I knew exactly who was here.

"You shouldn't be here."

"We missed you at lunch today," Mitch said, and I could tell by the sound of his voice that he was getting closer. "I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I"m fine," I lied.

"You don't look fine," he retorted, stopping next to me.

"Then don't look."

He sighed, and I used my free hand to push my hair out of my face. "You can't seriously blame yourself for what happened," he finally said, his brown eyes never moving from the smoke still rising in billows from where the fire had once been.

"It's not just that. I cared about Nathan and he died. I cared about Avi and he came less than an inch from dying. I'm not taking anymore chances," I said quietly as I looked down.

"You know the few times he's awake, he's asking about you, but you're too busy being selfish to get it through your thick skull that he almost died for you. And I guarantee he'd do it all over again."

His words his a soft spot in my chest, and I almost broke down right there. I hated it, but he was right. The least I could do was see how he was doing, but I couldn't even do that. "I think you should go. I kind of want to be alone right now," I said softly, sitting back down and staring at the ashes.

He didn't say anything, but there was a hesitance as he retreated. I could pick up the sound of a car starting, but then I was lost in the sound of my own thoughts, mainly of what Mitch had said. I did owe him at least a short visit to make sure everything was okay, and I knew I had to go now or I was going to talk myself out of it.

I got up and walked inside, dropping the picture on the kitchen counter as I picked up my keys. "Sarah." I stopped and turned to see my mom watching me with a bit of sadness in her eyes. "He said to tell you room 248."

I hesitated and nodded slightly as I walked out to make a trip I hoped I didn't regret.

The hospital was just as sickeningly clean as the last time I had seen it. It was unsettling and held too much bad energy. Without a word to any of the nurses, I made my way to the second floor, trying to talk myself into not turning and backing out as I made my way down the seemingly endless hallway. 244...245....246....247. I stopped at room 248 and peeked in the small window. I was sure I could hear my heart cracking at the sight of Avi lying there, unconscious and hooked up to several beeping monitors.

Okay you came. You saw. He's fine. Let's go. I willed myself to turn around and leave, but my feet wouldn't budge. Almost as if I couldn't control myself, I slowly opened the door and took a deep breath before walking inside, closing it quietly behind me. Letting out a sigh, I walked to a chair, hesitating before pulling it up to the side of the bed. I knew I wanted to leave, but I couldn't. It was like my body wouldn't let me.

Instead, I sat down and pulled my feet up into the chair and stared at him. I hated it. I hated everything about it. The beeping monitors, the smell of bleach, the memories that unwillingly began flooding my mind, the feeling of wetness on my cheeks as my silent tears fell. This is exactly why I didn't want to come.

"If I could take it all back, I would." The words left my mouth before I could stop them, but I wasn't entirely sure I wanted to. "As long as it meant this didn't happen to you," I said quietly as I placed my feet on the floor and leaned forward a bit. "I just hope that you understand why I can't be around any of you. I mean, yeah, you're alive, but I told you before that if anything happened to you, I didn't know if I could survive, and I don't think I can."

Avi's POV

I could have said something whenever I wanted to, but I decided to let her finish, no matter how much her words hurt. Even though my eyes were closed and she was trying to hide it, I could hear her crying, and I couldn't help it anymore. I looked up at her, instinctively reaching out and taking her hand in mine.

"Maybe you would take it all back, but I'd do it all again in a heartbeat," I told her, and it was the truth. "I didn't have to push you out of the way. I did because out of the thoughts that scrambled my mind the moment I saw that gun, the only one that mattered was that I wasn't letting you get hurt."

I watched her carefully, gauging her reaction cautiously. "You sound like Mitch," she finally said.

I offered her a weak smile, my brief attempt at laughter failing because of the pain. "Who do you think sent him to your house?"

"You were awake the whole time." There was a realization in her voice and I shrugged a bit.

"I was curious to see if you'd actually show," I admitted as I began sitting up a bit, forcing myself to keep quiet as pain shot through my chest. "You know it's not your fault right?"

She didn't say anything, and I was beginning to think she didn't hear me until she dropped her dark gaze and spoke. "Sure as hell feels like it."

Against my better judgment, I let go of her hand and reached up, biting back the pain as I lifted her chin and cupped her cheek, using my thumb to wipe away a few stray tears. "It's not. I didn't have to move you, but if I had the choice of doing it all over again, I would," I promised her. Without another word, I wrapped my hand around the back of her head and pulled her down so I didn't have to strain myself as I pressed my lips against hers gently.

Sure, it probably wasn't smart considering she didn't want to be around any of us, but she didn't pull away, so I didn't complain. Hell, the only reason I pulled away was to breathe. "You should get some rest," she said, finally pulling back completely.

"Not unless you give me something to cuddle with," I told her with a serious face, though I was smiling on the inside. "You know first hand how much of a cuddler I can be," I reminded her, raising my eyebrows at her.

She was hesitant as she wrapped her arms around her waist, something she seemed to do when she was nervous. "You're hurt."

"And I don't care."

She frowned a bit, but there was something in her eyes that said she wasn't really fighting as hard as she wanted to. She stood up and walked around to the other side of the small bed as I slid over to allow her a bit more room. She hesitated, though she finally climbed in next to me, as I wrapped my arm around her comfortingly. "Now sleep."

I laughed for a brief moment before stopping and wincing slightly. "As you wish, beautiful," I said, surprised by my own burst of confidence. The last thing I remembered feeling was her relaxing and her arm across my torso, careful to avoid my chest, then nothing.