Here Without You.

18. I Hate Myself For Loving You.

            “Out of my way! Get away from me!”, Nat yelled as I he tried to get into Starbucks, but the fucking paparazzi was in his way. Nat was so tempted to punch one of them in the fucking face if another dates ask him about the overdose and ask why he did it and why he’s still getting high.

            Personally, it was now because of stress. It’s been two weeks since he got back to LA and everything has been so stressful. He doesn’t get high like before; three times a day was before, now it’s one and mostly pot.

            Finally he got into the building and the pap weren’t aloud to go into public building, so they were outside. Nat cracked his knuckles as he walked over to the counter and the female looked at him eyes wide, “U-uh, what ca-can I get you, sir?”, she stuttered out, looking nervous in front of him.

            “Large caffeine coffee.”, he said and she nodded, putting it in the cash register.

            “Three seventy-five.”, she manage to say and he held out his Visa card. She took it with one shaking hand and swiped it. Nat rolled his eyes behind his sunglasses and waited until he needed to sign the recipe. She handed his card back, “I’ll be back in a minute.”, she said, giving him a flirty smile which Nat admit was kind of cute, but to his disappointment, it kind of reminded him of Cam. Actually, she kind of looked like Cam but with dark brown hair and a couple of inches taller from Cam’s five-four height.

            Who he has not talk to yet since he left.

            He sighed heavily and pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath and let it out a moment later. He was tired, really tired. A concert last night that was two and half hours away and dealing with pretend annoying girlfriend is really hard.

            The girl came back with his coffee and he thanked her. He walked over to the stand to put some sugar packs in it. He put about four packs in and stirs it around with a straw. He grabbed a one of those heat things that go around the coffee and when he was about to slid it on, he noticed a name—Emily—and a phone number. He turned his head to the girl who he was just facing a second ago. She smiled at him and waved.

            Is it wrong to go out with someone who reminds you so much of your ex? Isn’t that just using someone? Probably.

            But Nat grinned at her before walking back over to the door and left, pushing his way threw the crowd of stupid pap and over to his car. He got in and took a sip, “You have to fight it, Nat.”, he said to himself about one night stands and using women like object. He wouldn’t like it if someone used his sister like that and he sure wouldn’t like it if was Cam. Having sex with someone though was like letting his anger out. He’ll admit, he likes rough sex.

            “I need help.”, he sarcastically said, even though he knew what he said was true as he drove away.

            Once he got home, he threw his keys down on the coffee table and went on out on his back porch, looking out into the air. He let the sun heat his body up and he took a deep sigh.

            He has never felt so alone like he does right now.

            *

            Cam giggled as she tried to escape from Seth’s hold, who was tickling her like a mad man. She pushed against his chest and he wrapped his arms around her, falling back against her bed. She turned and decided to get him back by tickling him back, but he just grinned at her in amusement, telling her he was a ticklish person.