Before we go

chapter 10

Louis POV

"is she asleep?" zayn ask me and I nod smiling. "you really love her don't you?" he asks and I nod again.

"I always have. when we were about 8 or 9 I started to gain a crush on her. she has her dads irish accent and some words she speaks has a british accent. shes the only one that's truly been there for me. when my dad started to drink more and started to beat me she was there. shes always been beautiful, she never believes me when I tell her though. she has this image in her mind saying that shes not good enough for anything good that's come to her. that she deserves the crap shes gone through. ill explain more after I put her to bed, I don't want her back to hurt from laying like this." I say getting up with her in my arms bridal style. I go to our room and lay her on it. I put the comforter on her so she doesn't get cold and I tiptoe out of the room. I sit back down in my seat and continue what I was saying. "shes always been the fragile person she is. her dad started to beat her at age 3 and then 3-4 years later he left her and her mom. I have always looked after her since then. until X-Factor came, when she told me about simon hitting her i wanted to go and beat him to a pulp. but i didn't because hes not worth it, and lexy would be scared of me. like she was when she got her first boyfriend, of course I was jealous but I didn't act on it because she was happy. so I let her be and when he broke her heart she came to me and then I acted on it. I beat the shit out of him." I smile at the memory

"shes had many boyfriends like him, and I did the same for every single one, except one, the last one she had before me I didn't touch. I didn't have time, I went to the X-Factor. but her caring nature always drew people in and her naïve nature is what caused her to trust them. but that's not all I fell for, the way her eyes sparkled when shes excited, the way she smiles when shes shy or the fact that shes so easy to talk to. I fell for her, not just her looks or her personality, I fell for her, her naturally blonde straight hair, her beautiful green eyes, her cute little nose that scrunches up when you poke it. I fell for it all. shes the one i pklan on marrying. i don't see a future with anyone but her. shes the light to my darkness and i don't deny any of it. i am absolutely in love with my best friend and i don't have a single problem with it." i finish and look over to the guys for the first time since i sat back down. they either had tears streaming down their faces or shocked expressions staring behind me. i get confused and look behind me. lexy is standing there with a smile on her face and tears streaming down her face.

"you mean that lou?" she asks and i stand up to face her completely. without breaking eye contact with her i walk over to her.

"i meant every single word." i say and she smiles a huge smile. she hugs me tightly and i wrap my arms around her tiny frame. she pulls back a little and slams her lips onto mine in a passionate kiss. i kiss back with all the love and passion i could muster. he hear a huge sob come from two of the guys and we pull apart and look over at them.

"oh my Louis is being taken away form me!" harry screams making us laugh.

"oh no! MY POOR INNOCENT LEXY BEING DRAGGED INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH THE DEVIL HIMSELF LOUIS THE TOMMO TOMLINSON!" Liam screams and we burst out in laughter. they continue to sob and lexy and i walk over to our respective person to comfort them.

"im happy for you guys, just know that if you break her heart in anyway, you will have to listen to me and zayn." niall says his accent getting stronger because he is being completely serious. i gulp and nod. he nods as well and when they stop crying lexy and i end up on the couch her in my lap cuddling. with my head on her head which is on my chest makes my eyes get heavy, so i close them with thoughts of lexy in my mind , i fall in a deep slumber.

------the nexy day------

lexys POV

"shush your going to wake them up!" someone whisper shouts.

"theyre just so cute. i need a picture for twitter." i know liam said that.

*CLICK* i hear a camera go off.

"liam you idiot you forgot to turn the sound off." i hear another voice whisper shout at the idiot taking pictures.

"there i turned it off." i hear him whisper back and he probably goes for another picture. i feel Louis stir under me but i keep my eyes closed. someone starts running their fingers through my hair and kisses my forehead. i snuggle a little deeper moving my leg to become bent across his waist. i feel another kiss on my forehead and the hand in my hair goes to rub my back with the tips of their fingers. my head is on his chest and i hear his heart beat increase. its like he just ran a mile. i feel butterflies in my stomach and my own heart start to race because i know i make him feel like this. and because i am in his arms. my eyes start to flutter open and i look up to see his beautiful sea blue eyes staring back down at me. i smile up at him and he smiles back.

"awe the love birds are awake." someone says coming into the room. i laugh a little and sit up. i get off Louis and go into our room. i look at myself in the mirror and scream. Louis runs in with the boys behind him and they give me worried looks.

"sorry guys my ugly face scared me." i say and i know Louis wants to roll his eyes. they nod and walk out of the room. i lock the door behind them and i take my phone out of my sweatshirt pocket. i take the blade out of the case and i twirl it around in my fingers. i start to think of all that's happened in my life and i get lost in the cuts. blood trickled down my wrist and i close my eyes. i realize that im crying when a sob escapes my lips. then i hear a knock at the door.

"lex you okay in there?" i hear Louis on the other side of door.

"yeah im fine." i say with a strong voice that i perfected a while ago. i clean my arm off and the blade then i put it back in the place i had it before. then i brush my teeth and my hair and walk out. i walk over to my suit case and i take a pair of white denim shorts and a peach colored t-shirt. i take my wrap out of my bag and after getting changed i wrap my arm up. its not that noticeable but i know someone will ask about it and i know the perfect lie.

i walk out into the lounge where the other boys are and i sit down on Louis lap while putting my legs across liam. "what we doing today then?" i ask and they all shrug. "how about we go to that minigolf golf-course we used to go to all the time when we were kids then? i think Gladys and Charlie would love to see us." i say the last part mainly to Louis. he smiles and nods i get off the boys and they get up to go change. the first one done is niall then harry and they other 3 are probably taking some showers.

"whats on your wrist?" niall asks and i shake my head. he stands from his spot on the chair and grabs my wrist. "why do you have a wrap on?" he asks eyeing me.

"i don't want anyone to know that i have scars on my arms so im wearing something to cover it up." he nods and sits back down. i look down at my wrist as i notice that there is a little blood seeping through and i quickly cover it. when the other three are done we go. niall and Louis are in the back quietly talking. Louis has a sad and confused look on his face and niall does most the talking. i shrug it off and get in the elevator first. the boys follow right behind me and by then Louis and niall are done talking. Louis takes my hand and i smile at him. he gives me a smile that i know is fake. i take my phone out and send him a text to not disturb the silence.

'whats wrong?'

'why do you still cut? are you unhappy?'

'no! that's not it baby i promise.'

'then what is it?'

'memories'

'what kind of memories?' he texts me but i don't respond. i go into several flashbacks at once and i begin to hyperventilate. all of a sudden all i see is black and the last thing i hear is Louis in the back screaming my name and ordering the boys to get stuff. then i don't hear anything.