Before we go

Chapter seventeen

Still Lexys POV

We walk to his mums house and as soon as we walk through the door I am attacked with hugs and questions.

"Lexy dear are you okay?"

"Why did you do it?"

"Don't you care about us?"

I was so overwhelmed I got out of their grasp and I walked back out the door. I took a seat on their front step and just tried to breathe. I put my head in my hands and when I do I realize that I'm crying. I don't even stop the tears. I just sit there and cry until I feel a presence beside me. I look up and Louis is sitting there looking straight at me. He doesn't even have to say anything.

He wraps his arms around me and he hold me. He holds me like he has never held someone before. I cry into his chest for awhile. After I finish crying I'm ready to go back in and talk to them. When I do go back in they don't ask 20 questions at a time. They let me sit down and explain when I'm ready.

Louis' POV

When she got settled into a seat lexy looked up at my family, an starts to explain. "I'm fine thank you for asking. I do love and care about you guys so much. I did it for that reason. You see I own the house I used to live in. It was paid off and the government tried to sell it but they couldn't so they just let me have it. The boys found out that I haven't been eating much and that my eating habits aren't very healthy. When they did, I panicked. Then I did what I always do, I ran. I ran to my old house. In the house I have a little cubby in my parents bedroom that I used to go to all the time. No one knew about it until now." She chuckled at the end. "In that cubby I had many things. I had a TV that had a VCR built in. I had all my family home videos and videos that I took of myself. Ones that I'm not proud of. I'll explain those later if your wondering what was on them." She says.

"I was reminded of all the pain and shit that me and my family put you through. My dad leaving, my mom getting cancer, me always around here. You guys pretty much raised me and all I have done is take it and not give back. I didn't want to put you through that anymore. I wanted to take my burden off of all of you. You, Louis, the boys, everyone. So I went to my closet. I saw my old things. I texted everyone telling them goodbye and that I love them. Not answering texts or phone calls they sent me. I took the pills that I had in there, then I slit my wrists down to the bone. I was Alonso unconscious when Louis found me. I heard him screaming my name from downstairs, and him running up the stairs, and him right next to me saying 'no baby please don't do this please I love you.' I don't remember anything after that until waking up I the hospital to Louis' face right next to me." She finished with tears streaming down her face. Mum came over and Lexy stood up and they hugged. They hugged like a mother and daughter have been away from each other for 30 years.

"Lexy, darling, you weren't ever, aren't, and will never be a burden on us. You are apart of the family. We love you so much and we never want to lose you. I've always wanted you as a daughter, even though I have enough. You are my girls' role model. They always looked up to you. Please don't ever try this again. We lost you once and we are not losing you again." She said while they hugged, both crying. "Now sit down and explain to me these tapes you weren't proud of." She says and lexy nods.

"Before we left for X-factor and before my mom passed, I was in a dark place. Darker than I was when I recently tried. I had made videos saying goodbye. Every single one of them had me slitting my wrists, taking pills and passing out, and the time Louis found me trying to hang myself in my closet. Every single tape I kept for my future self to be reminded of all the dark things I tried to do and over came. I always explained why I was doing it. Why I was trying to leave. Why I wanted out. And I'm glad I didn't succeed those times, because then I wouldn't of been able to watch these beautiful young ladies grow up to who they are. I also wouldn't be with the love of my life." Lexy looked over at me as she said this. "I wouldn't have found my reason to stay."

When she said that it set me over the edge. I broke down. I fell into Lexy and she held me like I was a glass case that could break at any moment. She shushed me and rocked us as I cried and cried. I have never cried this much and this hard for anyone. The thought of her gone just makes me depressed and sick to my stomach.

Soon after I stopped crying we.....

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CLIFFEHANGER!!!!!!

Sorry it's shorter than normal, but I wanted to update today soo yeah. Thank you guys so much for reading it really means the world to me.

I just want every single one of you girls/guys know that if you EVER feel the need to leave, think about it first. Think about all the people you would be leaving behind. All the happy memories you wouldn't be able to make. Everything that you would miss out on of you left. Suicide is never the answer. I'm always here if you want to talk, I know I'm a complete stranger to some of you but I have been in your shoes and when I needed someone to talk to no one was there. I want to be there for you. You are all beautiful, handsome, caring, lovable, lovING, amazing, creative, talented people. I don't know any of you but you all deserve a place on this earth. Whether you keep the place or not is your choice, but I really hope you make the right one and stay.

I LOVE YOU ALL MY LITTLE PENGUINS!!!

Stay strong

~Lexy~