06 - off the rails
millie's pov
i sobbed into finns chest, not caring if i got his t shirt wet. i felt him wrap his arms around me, it was comforting. he was comforting.
did i even know why i was crying? no.
maybe.
vaguely.
he kept hold of me tight and i kept my eyes clenched shut, afraid to pull away and open back up to the real world. i was in my head, trying to remember what was wrong, wrapped up in the moment and finns arms, still sobbing uncontrollably. there was no end.
"millie?" i heard finn say quietly, i sniffed but failed to answer. i felt him rest his chin on my head and hold me tighter. he could tell i was truly hurt. broken. and yet he didn't even know why.. neither did i.
but he cared.
i looked up, finally and he gazed down at me, his brow furrowed showing his concern. "what's going on?" he said, slightly bewildered. i pulled away from his grip and wiped my tear stained face before responding. "i-i'm so lost." it was hard to get my words out, hard to explain.. especially difficult as everything span and distorted around me. but i would have to try. he looked at me confused.
"what am i doing here?" i said, i was asking myself but finn still responded.
"at the camp? i'm guessing you did something bad."
"me and sadie. it's always been us two, doing bad stuff and whatever but.."
i sniffed again.
"i'm off the rails." i said without thinking. i tilted my head back and scoffed at my own ridiculous comment. how juvenile could i be. finn just frowned and waited for me to say something else.
"i'm just a mess. i'm stupid and childish and fucking idiotic." i was trying so hard to explain, getting angrier and angrier with myself. there was no real reason for me to feel this way.. so why did i? god knows. finn looked at the ground and was silent for a while.
"i understand." he said quietly, sincerely.
i laughed.
at myself.
and he looked up confused, "this should be fun. you're cool." i said, still laughing. he opened his mouth to say something but still seemed baffled by my sudden change of tone.
"the thing you need to know about me, finn," i started to explain, "is that i'll cry, then laugh, because life is sad. but very funny. and i want to have fun not cry." i said innocently.
"you're so high aren't you?" he said, smirking.
clearly i had lost all sense and was talking gibberish. it was hard to tell what i was saying myself anymore. i just smiled and nodded.
a/n
hi hi
so that was a really odd chapter to write and i'm not sure if it came across right but the only reason millie is being so weird is cause she's high af if that wasn't clear. i hope you're enjoying this book and congrats for getting this far cause it's trash
love
el
