One More Night With You [BoyXBoy]

.:19:.

The longer I stayed in Michigan, the more stressed I became. It had been barely a week and I was already far behind with classes, which I just could not afford to happen. I did not have any particular talents so academic subjects were all I had going for me, and missing so much school would have a bad impact on them.

Mum was spending more time at the hospital with dad than I wished she did. Most of the time it was just Callum and I alone in the large house but we were never really close so it was not fun. He would always try to make conversation and sometimes I'd talk to him, but other times I would retreat to my bedroom. He was hard to be around.

I wanted to go back home now but I grew accustomed to the idea that this would not happen for at least another few days, so I promised myself to at least try with Callum. Maybe restoring our relationship would be healthy for me.

With a lot of courage, I stepped out of my bedroom and travelled downstairs (it felt strange to be staying in such a large place for so long) as I heard the TV running in the living room. Just like expected, I saw my brother as soon as I stepped in, and took a seat next to him.

"Hi," I greeted, a bit awkwardly.

"Hey, Ashley," he greeted and I could not help but cringe. Seeing as I wanted to be close to him, I realised that maybe now was the time to explain my transition to him. It would not be that big of a deal, right?

"It's...it's Kellin," I corrected, nibbling on my bottom lip and staring straight ahead at the TV. I was not even paying attention to the show, I just did not want to meet Callum's gaze.

"What?" He asked confusedly. "Isn't that what the receptionist at the hospital called you?"

"Yes, because that's my name - Kellin" I explained, "I had it legally changed a while ago."

It was not really a while; it was a couple of years, but I did not want to throw too much at him at once. Though all of a sudden, the walls had become very interesting to me.

"Isn't that a boys' name?" Callum questioned and I wondered what his expression was like but I could not dare face him. I was easily confident around bullies, but having to confront members of my family whose opinions I actually cared about was so much more stressful.

"It is," I confirmed nervously. "That's because I am a boy."

"Last time I checked, you were born with girl parts," he retorted with a chuckle, as if what I said had been ridiculous. I could not hide that his comment made me feel slightly crestfallen, but I put on a brave face and turned to him.

"But that's my sex, not my gender. Sure, my sex may be female, but my gender is male and that's all that counts," I attempted to explain.

Now I had Callum's full attention and he reached for the remote to turn the TV down. If I had to debate him about this for hours then I would.

"That's not how it works," he laughed, "you can't just change your gender out of the blue and expect everyone to treat you like a boy. Wearing those clothes or acting more masculine won't make you male - you have to actually have the parts."

"What's so hard to understand about this?" I almost yelled, feeling more aggravated by the second. "Studies have literally proved that gender is a mental thing and it is prone to change, especially during stages like puberty. So, like I said, I feel male and I am male, and I'd highly appreciate if you called me 'Kellin' from now on."

It was like Callum was staring at someone else because his eyes held the kind of pitiful amusement that you'd gaze at a mentally challenged person with. This was not the Callum I knew. We were raised to not judge people so I thought that he would be more accepting, but so far he was just being difficult. I could not hide the fact that it was making me upset though.

"You can't be serious," Callum snorted mockingly. "You are not a boy and I will not call you 'Kellin'. You have to be retarded to think that gender is in your head; it's what's under your clothes. How stupid are you? I thought mom raised you better than to be a desperate attention seeker."

My jaw fell to the floor in desbelief. Did my brother literally just say that?

"And I thought dad raised you better than to be a closed-minded bastard, but I guess you can't expect much else from him!" I bellowed and, without looking back, I stormed out of the front door, slamming it shut behind me. I did not want to be anywhere near Callum at that moment.

I had no idea what to do so I began walking down the sidewalk to where I knew the nearest park was, with tears, which I brushed away frantically, falling from my eyes. This could not be happening. Callum was the only person I had right now, yet he was not even accepting of me. It's just gender, just pronouns, just a name. I did not get how that could be so difficult.

When I reached the park and found a deserted area, I collapsed onto a bench and cried even harder. I was a boy. I was a boy. I was a boy. And nothing Callum said could change that, however those words did not hurt any less. I just wished that he would not be so problematic and accept me for who I was. Was that too much to ask for?

I needed some reassurance, or at least someone to spill all of my feelings to, so I picked out my phone from my pocket and called the only person I could always rely on: Vic. My anger towards him had subsided during the week and I just wanted him to be near me again.

"Hey, babe," was the first thing he said as soon as he picked up the phone.

"Hi," I replied, smiling at the sound of his raspy voice, although my own voice was strained and it was clear that I had been crying.

"Are you okay? You sound weird," Vic pointed out worriedly.

"Actually, no. I'm not okay at all," I confessed and, with that, I went into an explanation of the fight with Callum and the putrid things he said and how upset I was about it. It felt amazing to talk to someone I trusted about this and get it all off my chest. Vic listened intently. I went further than just the situation with my brother and I explained the other things which bothered and worried me (like the fact that I could not tell my dad because I did not want to disappoint him). Vic was very patient, even when I had to pause because I could not hold my tears in even more.  I just wished he was here because a hug was what I needed most right now.

"Can I beat up your brother?" He asked after I had finished.

"No," I giggled.

"If I can't beat him up then at least let me get a plane and get to you," Vic negotiated.

"Why?" I questioned. That was essentially all I wanted right now, but I did not want him to waste more money on me.

"Because I need you and it looks like you need me too."

"Is there anything I can do to stop you?" I already knew the answer to that.

"Nope," he said defiantly. "Now tell me where I'm supposed to go."

I did just that and Vic booked himself the nearest flight. Staying in the park, I watched the kids run around happily, playing on the swings and slides. I really liked kids. They were like little balls of energy who lived for the joy of it, and suddenly having a baby inside of me did not feel so daunting.

The park had been my home for hours. I considered going to the hospital to visit mom and dad, but decided against it. Vic was the only person I wanted to see.

By the time I got a text from him saying he had landed, several long hours had passed and it was the evening. All of the children were slowly being filtered out of the playground. I told him where I was, now feeling very drowsy and sleepy, and no longer than 20 minutes later, Vic was approaching me, carrying a duffel bag which must have contained his clothes. He dropped the bag and sat down next to me, pulling me onto his lap and softly kissing my lips. That was the best way someone had ever greeted me.

We sat in silence for a while and the smile never left my face as Vic held me in his warm embrace. I felt myself dozing off again, resting my head against his chest.

Just as sleep was about to take over, I felt lips being affectionately planted on my forehead a quiet murmur of three words: "I love you".

But, just as I was about to say it back, I could not hold on any longer and fell into a dreamless sleep, with a constant blush staying on my cheeks.