Welcome to L.A.

Black Friday in April

I finally managed to fall asleep in the guest bed. Multiple wool covers are surrounding me, but I'm still cold. I feel depressed and can't stop thinking about it. Seven years... It's been seven years since she's gone, but it still feels like it was yesterday. No one's beside me. I just don't understand why I woke up here. I don't remember walking to my bed or something. Did he carry me again? I must have been carried by him, what else can it be? I only remember my head on his chest... A pillow is vertically affixed to the headboard. On Maddy's side, the bed is made, but I still think it wasn't made by her. She would've fallen asleep before she finishes it or would've paid attention to her phone or something else and let the bed unmade. The fact that I was still sleeping in it also proves that it wasn't her. She wouldn't waist her time for a bed if was in it anyway. Behind the pillow was hidden a small and lovely teddy bear holding a piece of paper in its paws. On the note is written: "Need you upstairs :)" and I don't get why because I already am on the second... oh. On the rooftop. I remember that this floor's rooms all lead to the roof through their window. By opening the awning, I can see why my best friend's the best. Today's a sunny day, only a few clouds are dancing in the sky, but I don't feel good enough to appreciate it as usual. She remembered how happy I can get on a sunny day... I can't belive she did after all this time.

Knocking at the window makes him jumps and I can see that he's happy to know that I found his note. He waves at me and waits. Now that the window's opened, I can join him. Poor camera. On the top of the window, you can see that this one's filming the back yard. I almost killed Dan's 24/7... I feel bad.

"I'm so sorry I didn't see it!" I always, always apologize to everything. I heard that it's a Quebecer thing... or Canadian, but I'm not sure...

"It's exactly why you shouldn't be. I didn't blame you." Smiling at me, he hands me his hand to help me walking and have a seat next to him.

"Thanks..."

The view is beautiful. I wish she could see that. See me here, on a roof, see how I've grown... I don't know what to think about heaven. With all the cultures that contradicts each other, with technology that couldn't have proved any of these thesis yet, I don't even know where she is. In my book, my family's, she's with God. Well God knows how I'm not really a Catholic believer and that I don't pray either... well only for her, hoping that somehow, somewhere in the universe, she's listening to me, seeing me like at least one of these beliefs says... Not knowing exactly what her soul became is the hardest part. How can we mourn if we don't know what happened behind the doors of death?

"Amy?" I forgot that Dan was there... This day's gonna be a long, long day. "Are you still on Earth?"

"Physically, yes." Mentally, I'm somewhere else for the seventh time in a row.

"Where's your mind, then?" He gets closer and puts a kind hand on my back.

"I... I don't know, Dan, I feel lost. Every year that passes makes it harder. Like if my cycle is reversed. I feel broken without her as if she left with a part of me..." He puts his forehead on my right shoulder and smiles. "What?"

"We should find it and fix you, then." He smirks at me. "And I think that I know how to start looking for it." He takes my hand and gets up. "Do you trust me?" Uh...

"Yeah? Why?"

"I want to do something crazy with you, right now. Are you down?" Anything would be better than crying on my own honestly. "Great." He saw indifference on my face, but also trust. "Close your eyes, follow my lead. I won't let anything happen to you." Please remember that I'm walking on a roof...

"Where do you want me to go?"

He never answered me. The reason why I'm a bit resistant is that he put his jacket on my head so I won't cheat or doubt him, but he doesn't know I wouldn't have done such a thing. He's leading me carefully to somewhere near us. We stopped. He rotates me to face something and I'm waiting for him to allow me to take my blindfold off, but he doesn't. He's standing behind me, takes my arms like Jack and Rose in Titanic, but immediately crosses them on my breast. Okay that's not what I thought. He's now facing me hands on my shoulders.