His to Love (His #3)

Chapter 21

The big club suddenly feels too small for me and I feel like I'm going to fall down on the floor any second. I feel like there's not enough of air for me to breathe. 

I rest my hand against the stomach, still staring at the back of the man's head and at his broad shoulders. No. It can't be. 

I'm battling with hundred different emotions at once. Yearning. Hate. Happiness. Confusion. It all hits me like a train, years of bottled emotions coming up on the surface, literally strangling me. 

I want to sit down, but the need to just keep standing here, behind him, is bigger. 

And then he turns around. 

I get swamped with such a big disappointment that I stumble back. It's not Damien. It's just a man that's really similar to him.

I suddenly want to cry. Because I'm so stupid. Because after all this time, I still feel like this for a man that probably doesn't even remember me. For a man that's already forgotten me. So easily ... 

The man says something to me and smiles warmly. I don't hear what he says, his words don't get to my brain to process them. As soon as he steps away a bit, I rush past him and out in the cold air, crashing against the wall, putting my hot forehead against the cold bricks. 

This is so stupid. I hate how emotions can fuck you up so easily. I respect all the emotionless and heartless people who don't let themselves feel. They're the smart ones. Because once you start to care, that's it. You're ruined. 

And once you start to trust someone, there's no guarantee they won't screw you over. 

My God, how many times I wished I hadn't met Damien. Nobody wrecked me like he did. I never let anyone that close to my heart as I let him. And he showed me why I shouldn't do that - with anyone. Because people can surprise you when you least expect it. 

I call myself a taxi and stare at nothing, think of nothing while waiting on it. I don't let myself be sad again. Not when I started doing so good and I'm finally trying to move on. 

But it seems like life tends to play the tricks with me or the fate just doesn't let me forget him. 

  ◊  

I didn't tell the girls about what happened to me yesterday night. I didn't find it important enough, besides, I don't really want them to know that I still think about Damien Knox after all this time. 

I'm embarrassed to admit that I still hold some deep feelings for him, but what I mostly feel is just bitterness that he left without a word to me. 

I go through the door of my flat, greeting the safety and familiar space with an enormous smile. Today has been a rough day at the store because the sales started and people are just ... crazy. "I'm home!" I call out when I hear Rory talking somewhere and when I move slightly to the left, I catch her sitting on the couch with a phone to her ear. 

I go to the living room and sit on the couch, resting my head back against it. "Hi," I murmur with a tired voice.

"Hey," she greets me back. "Are you okay?" she asks me worriedly. She scrunches her face to examine my face.

I look at her. "I'm good. Just a bit tired. God, there was so much crowd today! I hate sales." I laugh. "Isn't it ironic?" I ask in-between laughter.

"What is?" Rory still doesn't move her gaze away.

"That I hate sales!" I laugh again and she joins me. 

She shrugs. "Well, you work at a clothes shop, so ..." she trails off, teasing me.