A False Sense of Security

Chapter 12

I was a freshman at St. Maria's and was very vulnerable. I crushed on the first guy who showed interest in me, who unfortunately was Zander Hutch. We were all lovey-dovey for the first month. And that was all it took for me to be wrapped around his finger.

Then when I started to notice the signs the was with other girls I simply brushed them off, telling myself that I was just being paranoid and he would never do something like that to me. My friends tried to warn me, but I wouldn't listen and we became distant. Zander continued to tell me to leave them because they weren't good enough for me. Little did I know it was actually the other way around. Kacie, Tana, and I finally didn't talk to one other and I spent all my time with Zander. Well when he wasn't 'working'. What a fucking waste.

When I actually caught his ass cheating he was making out with some girl at a party. I forgave him, though. For some stupid fucking reason. This cycle continued throughout our relationship and I was stupid enough to say.

He convinced me that we should move into together, because he 'loves me'. What a fucking lie that was. I got into a huge fight with Bruce when I told him that we were moving in together. I ended up storming out and didn't answer any of my family for days. I was so blinded by what Zander told me what was love that I didn't realize that romantic love isn't even real. Every relationship I've seen didn't have any good qualities and especially not love.

The first day I moved in with him was when everything went down hill. Zander became abusive towards me. It started when I wouldn't do something or he didn't like my attitude he would slap me across the face. Then we would get into fights and he would start to punch from the waste up. Then he began to kick me when he beat me so hard I was lying on the ground.

I used to cake makeup on my face to hide my injuries from everyone. And I would where really baggy sweatshirts. In other words I would look like a complete mess. My brothers and friends would try to confront me about my change in demeanor, but I would act like a bitch and shut them out.

I lived with Zander for a few weeks before that I finally 'broke up' with him, I guess is the way you could put it.

I was laying in bed reading and I heard the door open.

"Hey, bitch! I'm home," Zander yelled from the living room. I put my book down and yelled, "In the bedroom, Zander!".

He opened the bedroom door and had of look of, which I now know was lust in eye. I had no clue what he was gonna do, back then though. He climbed on the bed in front of me and started attacking my lips. Sure we've made out before but this was different. It was rougher and I felt uncomfortable.

He started to feel his way up my chest and I pushed his hands down. He grabbed my hands and pinned them down and started to feel me with his other hand. I wanted it stop.

"No!" I squealed against his lips. He pulled at my shirt and pants. Before he could rip them off I kicked him in the stomach and forced him off me.

"Stop! I said no!" I yelled at him. He was beyond furious. He grabbed by my hair and hauled me off the bed. I landed head first on the floor. He began punching and kicking me while I was on the floor. I probably had 100 bruises and cuts and I was spitting up blood, before I was able to push him far away from me. Enough to get up and run to the front door.

I had nothing on me, so I couldn't call anyone. I pretty much ran all the way to Bruce's house.

I stood in front of a familiar front door. I took a few deep breathes and rang the doorbell. I looked like a mess. My clothes were disheveled and had cuts and bruises on my face. And, to top it all off, I had two black eyes.

Bruce opened the door and was stunned. "Oh my god! Kiara, we need to get you too a hospital!" He said frantically. We raced to his car and he sped to the emergency room. "I left all my stuff at his place, I'm sorry I didn't believe you!" is all could say through sobs.

We arrived at the hospital and I was fixed up I found out I had a minor concussion and had 3 broken ribs. Someone had called the police and reported the abuse. I didn't know who it was, but thank god for they did. I probably wouldn't have lasted if Zander wasn't arrested.

My brothers showed up to the hospital and we had a teary eyed conversation about how we were all sorry and we loved each other.

After I was moved back in with Bruce and I my injuries had healed I decided to finally go talk to Kacie and Tana.

My brothers had informed me that they were at Kacie's house, so that's where I went. I went up to the front door and rang the doorbell. The door opened and Kacie's mom thankfully stood in the doorway.

"The girls are upstairs!" She informed me cheerfully.

I made my way up the familiar path I always took almost everyday. I knocked her bedroom door and opened it. They both looked mad. I walked in and closed the door behind me.

"Hey," I smiled.

"What do you want?" Tana asked sourly. I flinched already feeling like this wasn't going to be as easy as I thought.

"Look," I got serious. I look down at my feet and say, "You guys were right, about everything. He was manipulative and abusive. He wasn't who I thought he was at all. I'm asking for your forgiveness. And I totally understand if you don't want to even look at me again after they way I treated both of you. I don't even know why I came over here. It's not like your gonna welcome me with open arms or anything." As soon as I end that sentence I am wrapped in two pairs of arms.
"It's okay, we know that you weren't your real self for those months that you were with him." Kacie says.

"We're each other's bitches and we stay loyal to one another." Tana adds.

We all start laughing and soon enough it's like those last few months never happened.

But after weeks of not being beaten, I felt like I needed to feel some type of pain. And that's when I started cutting.