A False Sense of Security

Chapter 40

It's Christmas.

But it is also my Mom's funeral.

I wear a black lace dress, which highlights my red, wavy hair. I have black heals on and my Moms old necklace. It has a picture of her in a the closed pendant.

We chose to do an open casket funeral, because my Mom only suffered from brain damage and nothing physical.

It was my turn to go up and see her. I slowly but progressively walked up to her. My hands were shaking and I was trying to stop myself from hyperventilating. I finally make it up to her and I can't breathe.

I lean in close to her and start to speak.

"I'm not to sure what I'm supposed to be saying right now." I admit. "But I guess I'll start with this."

I take a deep breathe. "I don't blame you for not being here for me when you were with grandpa. I know you tried to keep in touch with me and the boys as much as you could. Thank you for that. You were the best Mom I could ever had."

I look at her one last time and take a mental picture. I slowly turn around and walk away.

People here probably think I'm emotionless. I haven't cried once, since I was here. They have tried to talk to me about when they give me their condolences. I also just said 'I don't have any tears left to spill', but that's a lie. I have too many tears to spill. Though, I rather do that alone and not surrounded by people I don't know.

"Hello?" A voice says. I turn around and find a blonde woman, around my Moms age. She must be one of her friends.

"Hi," I say back.

"Your Kiara, right?" She asks. I nod. "Your Mom used to work at my cafe,"

"Oh! Wendy, right?" I ask. Mom used to talk about how generous she was about her spending time with us.

"Yes," She smiles. "I'm so sorry about your mother. She was great person."

"She really was," I agree.

Just then Bruce gets on the microphone.

"Ladies and gentlemen, May I please have your attention. We would like for you to find a seat, because the deceased's family members would like to say a few words. But first we would like for you to join us in prayer, lead by Priest Fredriksson."

The Priest takes the mic from Bruce. "May we all bow are heads in prayer."

My hands find each other and I put my head down, closing my eyes.

"Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy Kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory. for ever and ever. Amen."

Everyone lifts there head up and Koda goes on the stage.

"Even though Kori wasn't my biological Mom, no one could ever take her place in my heart. She was my Mom, the only one to make the pain go away when I hurt myself. The only one to make me laugh when I'm sad. The only one that I care to make feel proud. I can't imagine life without her, but I should have known that this day was gonna come. I just thought it would be farther away. I love you Mom."

Next Rafe comes on the microphone.

"Hello. I don't really know what to say. She was an amazing person and Mom. And, I wish I could have her back. But, life doesn't work that way. Life can be hard. This is just another path of life. I know I feel horrible now and I miss her, but later I'll learn to accept. I love you Mom."

Rafe leaves the stage and looks at me. I walk over to the microphone and stand in front of it. I take a deep breathe.

"Umm. Starting from when I can remember, my Mom was never home. She always had a babysitter for us and my brothers and I never saw her. And, when she was home her and I used to get into many fights as I got older. I used to leave the house and go spray paint the side of a wall or hang out in an abandon buildings. My Mom had no idea where I went, but she wasn't home to know about. I thought she just didn't care about us and was off with someone. But, she wasn't off with some guy or didn't care about us. She was trying to save as much money as she could to just keep the lights on. We lived in a three bedroom apartment. Rafe, Koda, and I each had our own room. My Mom, she slept on the couch. We didn't have a TV, but we did have a radio and I listened to music all day. My Mom couldn't afford Christmas presents, so she used to give us condiments or straws and napkins from where she worked. But, one year she saved up enough money to give my brothers and I the best possible gift, which we didn't realize back then how important it was. She signed us up for school. And, by doing that she gave us our education, our friends, a place to think about our dreams, a place to explore our talents, a place that I loved to go to. But, most of all she gave us a distraction from reality. At home we didn't have what most people call a normal household and family. My Mom's boyfriend had and still has hatred in his heart for my family, but all we ever did was give to him. And, He would thank us with fresh cuts and bruises on not only my moms face, but my face, too. My house looked like it needed rehab. The living and kitchen were too small. Our furniture was bought from goodwill. And, so was our clothes. I used to be called unique by all the other kids, because of what I wore or what I wrote down for the answer. I used to sit in class alone and at lunch I sat at a table alone. That's probably why I can't properly socialize with people, because nobody thought I was good enough to socialize with. But, when I got home my Mom made me feel like I was her favorite person to socialize with. Once her boyfriend came along he brought us pain and destruction, but he also brought my brothers and I our Mom back. Since we had more money, my Mom didn't have to take as long hours at work. We used to laugh, sing, draw, and talk to each other all the time. I'll always have those memories of her. And, whenever I think of her I'll always remember her as my loving, comforting, protecting, beautiful Mom. I'll love you forever and always. And, nothing can fill the space you left in my heart."

Once I finished my speech, I knew I had to get out of here before I start balling.

"I need to go to the bathroom," I tell Rafe as I walk past him. He nods and continues talking to a person I've never seen before.

Once I step outside the door into the empty hallway, tears start streaming down my face. I ball for what seems like forever, but was probably only ten minutes.

I look up at the news on the small TV hanging from the ceiling and see them doing a report on the hospital shooting I was in.

"The police have finally been able to identify the suspect in this fatal shooting killing twenty-seven people. Seventeen of which were doctors and nurses and ten patients. The shooters name is Frank Upshaw. The police have gone on a man hunt for him." I couldn't hear the rest.

Frank did this.

He killed twenty-seven people, but why?

Then it dawned on me. He did this, all of this.

Because of me.