the memory i have of you -

memory six

it was seventh grade now.
the age where we both started noticing other people.
the age in which love seemed real and tangible.

but you were getting lost in girls and i was getting lost in classes. i was going through the identity change that came along with middle school.
you found yourself an athlete and i- a creator.

an artist of complicated emotions and conflicted feelings.
especially when it came to you.
but i didn't focus on those. i focused on my own issues and attempted to find myself amongst the people who mattered.

we were drifting ever so slowly but we always came back together.
we had to.

and we did.

we came back together by the end of seventh grade.

we were back to eating off of each other's plates and giving countless piggyback rides. back to making memories only you and i shared. back to ignoring our responsibilities.

i never told you how much i missed you when we were apart,

but i think you knew.

———

you walked into my house for the first time in seven months since we had drifted.

you yelled "mom i'm home," just like you always did.

my mom came out to greet you and smiled widely.

"i was wondering when you would be back, welcome home," and just like that, it was as if the drift never happened.

i laughed at both of you and dragged you to the living room.

you then proceeded to beat me in four games of cards, two eating contest, and six wrestling matches.

(i was a lot shorter and lighter than you so it wasn't fair, i should have won those wrestling matches).

then we went out back to play a bit of catch when you told me something i would never forget.

"i'm still in love with you, you know"

i shook my head still not believing you. how could you love me after almost a year of being separated? after a year where you flirted with other girls. 

after a year of you showing other people pieces of you that only i knew.
sides that only i understood.

at this point you had dated about a fourth of the girls in our classes, and i doubted any love you had for me that wasn't the brotherly kind.

and besides, at that time i was caught up in a boy named sam.
i wanted to like and be liked. i wanted reciprocal feelings and reassurance. i wanted cute little dates. i wanted flowers.

i wanted what i saw in romance movies.

so i didn't believe you and i didn't want to.