the memory i have of you -

memory fifteen

weeks of silence turned into months. christmas break went by with no word from you.

i went on the date and dare i say, i enjoyed myself.
he and i began dating and it was good at first, as most things are. but slowly and surely i realised that i would never love him. not the way that i loved you.

i broke it off explaining that someone had gotten there first and there was nothing i could do about it.

he claimed he understood but i think he assumed i was making an excuse. and for all i knew maybe i was. things didn't end well and during the short relationship i started feeling pressured to do things i didn't want to do with him.

a few weeks after i ended things, you came by my house.
you knocked on the door this time which was surprising because, our home was always yours as well.

i was in my room writing a goodbye letter. a final farewell to my first real relationship. a nail in the coffin to confirm i was finished.

"hey teacup," you greeted as you leaned on my doorframe with your hands in your pockets.

i was mad at you and i was mad you had been right.

"what," i choked out.

"i know what happened," you said in a soft tone.

"of course. what do you want axel?" my voice was scratchy and dry and i was drowning in my own emotions.

i sighed and shut my eyes begging the tears not to spill in front of you.

you hugged me from behind and whispered, "first loves hurt teacup, but you'll get over it, you'll get over him."

and i choose to believe you this time because the last time i didn't got me hurt.

i trembled in your embrace and finally let the tears come.

you let me cry and would whisper every once in a while, "it's okay kare, i've got you,"

you placed me on the couch and let me curl into a ball and clutch your shirt crying my eyes out. i was tired. i was tired of having emotion and then i was tired of having no emotion. i was tired of seeing him everyday. i was tired of fearing rumours would spread.

i was tired of being in high school.

you just sat and hummed one of my favorite songs and stoked my hair until i fell asleep.

when i woke, you were gone but in your place was a small note in your tiny scrawl.

time heals broken hearts, time will heal yours as well
xx axel

i saved that note and even today it's framed sitting on my desk as a reminder.