the memory i have of you -

memory eight

you started dating a girl even though you promised you loved me.

her name was hayley and she was nice, she was pretty. you seemed to like her and i admired how she looked at you. looking back on it now, i'm sure it was the same way i looked at you too.

i didn't talk to her because i was intimidated. not only intimidated but also afraid. this wasn't new for us. you've dated other girls before but somehow, this felt different.

this felt definitive.

you still talked to me but not nearly as much.

i don't think she liked me because you and i were so close. that was okay. i didn't want to interrupt things for the both of you.
everyone asked if you and i were dating and i think she was annoyed about it. i would have been too if i was in her position.

you still came over but not as frequently and i knew this would be the beginning of another drift between the both of us.

i didn't want to let you go, but i did so you could be with her more. she deserved a real chance.  she deserved something etched in stone instead of penciled on paper.

i knew you wouldn't forget about me but at times i wished you would.

it hurt a little to see you with her but eventually i got over it, not because i wanted to,

but because i had too.

———

it was for the best. i had started noticing other guys, and for some reason other guys started noticing me too. i was afraid to get too close.

i was afraid that someone else wouldn't treat me the way you did.
i was scared of something new.

the unknown had always haunted me and maybe that's why it was easy to push you away.

maybe that is why i never believed your love for me.

romance would end up plaguing me more than i let on.