the memory i have of you -

memory thirteen

the summer of junior year we were close.

closer than we had been in a long time.

i wanted nothing more than to spend the whole summer with you,

and we did for most of it.

besides the weeks where i would go away to camp and you would too. the weeks we wouldn't see each other for a while.

it was okay because you didn't forget about me when you came home, and i didn't forget about you.

you came back from baseball camp the last week in july and your mom surprised you with a puppy.

it was a baby chocolate lab and german shepherd mix, one of the cutest dogs i'd ever seen.

it was an unusual breed and seemed quite rare.

i wanted you to name her stella, but you ended up naming her diesel, even though she was a girl.

yes, diesel like the fuel.

you looked so proud of the name so our moms let it go.

massie, your sister hated the name.

she was two years older and this was not her dog so she didn't have a say in what you named it. and according to our mothers you were allowed to name her whatever you wanted.

i spent the day at your house playing with your new puppy.

soon after you had gotten her she grew tired and settled on my lap. i was sitting on the couch and we had an old western t.v. show playing, but i wasn't paying attention.

i was looking at your dad's portrait and the flag next to it. the dog tags left in the glass case and his old uniform.

instead of paying attention to the show, i was thinking about the future, you serving in the military. i was wondering if we would write letters, if we would call on the phone.

i was thinking about what would happen to us when you met a girl at bootcamp you started to like.

and as you were thinking about the beginning a of having a new puppy, i was thinking of the end of us.

you moved diesel's body and put your head in my lap.

diesel was mad at you for a while but you didn't care.

i smiled down at you while you tried horrible pick up lines on me.

"i found them all from the internet" you said with your eyes closed. you always liked it when i ran my hands through your hair. you started wearing your hair longer for that very reason.

and soon you would have to cut it all off for the military.

i looked at you amused and pushed that thought from my mind. 

"i'm sure you did," i whispered continuing to run my hands through your silky locks.

you smiled and continued to recite pickup lines from memory.