Versions Of Her (Currently Editing)

⭐Chapter 16: Can't forgive myself⭐

It seems as though I'm going to have to lose my aunt to that guy, I can't believe the way I was thinking.

Wanting to seduce him just so my aunt could leave him, so she would have more time for me.

That was so pathetic of me, she deserves to have a life...this isn't what I came here for, I didn't come here to ruin her life.

"I'm so sorry, I'm messed up, leave... please... never come near me I'm a freak."

He's looking at me with... those... same eyes. Overflowing with innocence that does not actually exist in him since he seems to smoke... Weed/Ganja.

I wish I could be innocent, I wish I didn't do anything wrong. How will I forgive myself?

Sure, he only touched my boobs...but it felt like we had sex, I know it sounds stupid and isn't even close to being an equivalent.

But he belongs to my aunt, his hands touched her temple. Touching me is reversing the effect of what her body feels like underneath his hands.

What if he draws a liking towards me, it will be then... that she would really hate me.

Forget having to tell her that I forced myself onto him, she would link this to him falling for me and I would be an even bigger culprit...

In regards to breaking her heart.

Not only would I be her niece, but the niece that she won't stand to look at... The niece that she would keep comparing herself to.

Wishing that she has something that I have, because maybe she could give him another chance and finally be enough for him.

I can't do that to her, he's gone now...and instead of sitting on the chair or sitting on on my bed, I'm currently sitting on the floor.

I don't deserve to be comfortable, I don't deserve to breathe... I don't deserve to eat her food.

It's going to be difficult to face her, especially in the same environment where it all took place.

She introduced him to me, I saw the way she looked at him
...yet I was that selfish...to not think of her but myself.

She didn't ink me into the last row of her list, I was even before her...now here I am, on the floor.

Feeling sorry for myself all over again, only this time I am the issue... him and I are both the issue.

I never thought I would be hung by a rope next to him, I betrayed her... I betrayed Shawn, Shawn...

I need to see him...

I need to be happy like my aunt needs to be, like everybody else on this planet needs to be...but maybe in another life.

Shawn needs to go, I need to protect him from myself.

If I was as close as that to cheating on him, even though we hadn't made things official... imagine all the things I would do whilst being his.

I grab the key to our apartment, my aunt made sure I had my own. I heard her call after me but I just couldn't face her, not yet...

Hearing her voice was enough to get me to rethink actually coming clean, and I don't want to back out... I need to do it, if we do go back to being best friends as well as who we are to each other, family wise...

Then I don't want this to sneak up on us and end up spoiling it.

If I do get rid of Shawn, my morals would be activated to permanently stable.

Until I tell her that is, who knows where my rebellion would drive my mind...body...and soul.

When everything attacks my mind, attacks my heart... when my hormones delivers the envelop to be mailed back to it's sweet surrender.

I knocked about four times and there was still no answer, he couldn't be sleeping...and even if he was his apartment is too small to not hear the door.

Maybe he's a heavy sleeper.

Wait my aunt wasn't home...

Today is a weekday, he can't be home he must be at work.

It's 4:20pm and I hope he gets here soon...my ass on the cold floor is not very pleasant, even though I said I didn't deserve comfort.

Maybe I'm being too hard on myself... though I can't blame my parents for what I just did, it was still my hands that took his to place them on my breast.

They might've indirectly modified my brain, but I had the choice to stop it... yet I didn't.

It wasn't your fault.

I wanted my aunt all to myself, I was selfish.

What niece wouldn't be...?

That's not the point...

Then what is? you were afraid of losing your aunt, sure you could've fight it...but do you think the love you have for your aunt would allow you to do that if you could stop it?

...

Think about it, it's not your fault...and get up off this floor...I'm sure he'll be here soon.