Versions Of Her (Currently Editing)

⭐Chapter 29: Allowed⭐

The length of my nails have to come to an end, just like the moment with the 'blessing but not a curse'.

My nails needs cutting, I've never allowed them to meet a length— but to remain short.

In the hallway outside my door, I lean against the wall biting my lip. A new person, a night out...someone other than Shawn.

I wouldn't mind arguing with him — if it meant my personalities could speak some sense into him, maybe he could convince my aunt.

I sigh. After a night like that, I just want to stop being upset, I want Shawn to walk around the corner— saves me from knocking on his door.

But... my wish is not the Lord's command.

I don't think it's such a big deal to diagnose yourself, after all — the hypnotherapy summons your personalities, one by one.

We are all going to be met with something I already know, am I that stupid to not know that I feel like a different person most of the time?

I open the door, but my aunt turn the lights on as if she was -

"Shawn?"

I don't expect him to apologize, and it's been a long time — I shouldn't have expected him to be gone for a week again.

He's my baby... my dark skinned man, my everything.

"Where have you been?"

His eyes are so hard on me, darkness creating him into someone that isn't the man I love— intimidating.

I'm glad my over sexual personality didn't deal with the lips of Mr Brown Locks, I don't think I would manage this tense moment with anything over my head.

Ready to pour and demand I translate it's confession into words — not just a memory inside my head.

"... I went to get a breath of fresh air."

He fold his arms, looking at me as if I just disrespected his intelligence. Telling him I went to the Musee du Louvre — I'll be asking for him to accuse a random guy for walking over to me.

That's exactly what happened, I know. But I don't even know why I thought telling him that I went for a breath of fresh air was any better, I was already screwed the moment I step foot inside.

"A breath of fresh air don't last that long babe, you know that... heck, even I know that."

I guess I can't demand that he trust me — who am I to, right?

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you where I was going, I was upset... upset that you would leave at such a... Baby!"

We are inside my room — I turn around, realising he's checking his phone. Did it even vibrate? I don't remember hearing anything. 

If it didn't vibrate, and he's checking his phone... I can't believe this.

"Who is that?"

I can't let another sound out. But I know that one of my personality is asking for control.

My brain has shrunken, back to the time when it was just starting to develop. It's empty of everything; memories, the moment we had, the argument between my aunt and I, Gaston, my place of birth...Musee Du Louvre.

Eyes. They won't focus, my feet...they aren't touching the ground. The light, I can't tell how sharp or dull it is or if it's affecting my eyes. I'm looking at something, but I'm not sure what I'm looking at.

You could stab me and I might not be able to feel it, I might cry out. Looking at the inflicted wound, thinking that it isn't there and wondering why it is that I am crying.

I don't feel that urgency for answers or that we are having a conversation right now...I can't feel anyone's presence, even though in the back of my mind I know Shawn is here.

I know I am sinking into myself. I don't feel like I exist, I don't feel like I am real or that I ever really started to live.

I don't feel like I was ever born, I feel like I am in between white walls... and that I am the only one here and there's no other human that exists.

The more the process tries to draw near it's end, the more I sink within myself. The futher Shawn goes, even though... somehow, I know he hadn't moved. 

"Babe, come on...talk to me, Ann?"

How dare this young man become the scourge, the man behind the scattered pieces of my little darlings heart.

Yet again.

I smile — knowing very well this isn't the appropriate emotion, he removes his hands.

"Little Ann isn't here darling, would you be so kind to tell me whom that was?"

He puts the phone in his pocket, irresolute as he should be. Is it a crime for my little darling to get the full respect— of her whole entire man?

"A friend, you are confusing babe... I need to know what's going on."

Of course, his sweet lover kept denying us... I don't believe she wanted that, I suppose I understand.

After she was told to be one version of herself, by previous lovers... she didn't know, exactly...how it worked.

Her relationship is not as stable as it should be, to scare away the man she loves so much...would be the last thing she needs.

But... I needed to be the one he meets, especially at the sight of the cheats.

"Your darling has multiple personalities, as you know young man...she needed you and her aunt to believe that her conclusion is indeed not a conjecture."

I can see him — itching to lay his fingers upon the screen of that phone, that I want to crush on behalf of my little darling.

"The woman I know and love... sure don't speak like that, I guess I was foolish to leave when I thought you needed your moment as family." 

The switch wasn't so intense like the first time, this time — I was aware of their interactions with each other.

"Baby, I'm going to ask you again...and I don't want us to argue...but, who was that?"

My eyes aren't burning, telling me that I'm about to cry... But my heart is racing, and I know that I've lost him to someone else.

"Fine, it's a lady... that is interested in me, and I'm not exactly pushing her away just because we are together,"

Did he just-?

"Babe... I'm allowed to have females as friends."