Versions Of Her (Currently Editing)

🌟Chapter 18: I was a what?🌟

"I placed my aunts...boyfriends hands...on my boobs, because I have abandonment issues."

In my head that made sense, but in the open...not so much... though in my defense anyone can dig up the back story of that.

"You have... abandonment issues?"

Smart enough to ignore the main clause, but even more smart to hide everything... he isn't suppose to... his words swimming in all it's monotone glory.

Scratch that out, it really isn't smart at all.

I sound super serious and mature now don't I? I don't think there is anyone out there as bold as me... I'm not afraid to look "stupid" sometimes.

Which was probably evident to you when I told him he couldn't possibly expect things to be normal after he kissed me, or some crap along those lines.

Communicating with your man your partner, your goddamn significant other to the extent I will right in this moment... will not make you stupid, it gets problems solved and crushes complications.

I diagnosed myself with BPD... but maybe I'm missing something... Is it even possible to have more than one mental illnesses, if not all?

Because where did this side of me come from? I sound like I'm 45 and I'm really just 22.

Seems as though I've been in my head for too long because he's now in his nook bed... with the door closed.

"You could've just shook me back to earth..."

I'm walking up to his nook and something tells me that this is... possibly... a bad idea.

This is already not going how I wanted it to, the plan was to say what I needed to... and get out before either of us got too relaxed.

I took my shoes off when I came in so now... I'm in my socks...

"You seem fine where you were."

He's looking ahead at nothing, being a complete child in not wanting to confront this like a man. I'm convinced I just saw him lose a couple feet and inches in height...to become a three year old.

Hell the side of his face surely lost it's age.

"Look...Shawn? the point I'm trying to get at is this... we weren't official and I did that, imagine what I would do if we were together."

He moves around on his bed to face me, and this is when he become the man I...didn't want him to become, because now I'm slightly intimidated.

"You want something out of me? no prob... you asked for it."

I gulp...down whatever it is, because it isn't just my saliva... I feel like I gulped down a personality.

But does that even make sense?

I bit the inside of my bottom lip...which might look like I'm puckering up... might even look ten times younger than my age.

"Shawn-"

"No...allow me."

I gulped down again, but decided to get into his nook properly and close the door. Don't ask me why I did that because I'm still trying to figure it out...he's unfazed by the situation and continued what he so wanted to...say.

"I'm sick of women playing games, you weren't just a damsel... you are just like the rest of your kind."

He didn't give me time to properly get angry, he crawled over my legs and opened the door of the nook and went down the stairs.

I'm on top of the stairs, deciding that this is the perfect spot to huff and puff and blow his ego down, I'm taller... not technically, but I am on these stairs.

He will feel these words piercing through his skin, his heart and anywhere else.

"I was just a damsel huh? you know what's funny? I knew you were just sticking around because I seemed so helpless... and that you knew you were the only person that could save me."

I air quoted the word "save".

"I didn't mean it like that, k? how was I suppose to take the fact that whoever he is, had his hands all over your..."

He couldn't finish, he's probably thinking about me naked...typical men, this is suppose to be a discussion... or an argument if you may.

Instead he's down there being a dog.

"My boobs, my goddamn boobs! what is your point? after you stated that I was just a damsel, everything else was most certainly not going to be picked up on, so what is your point?!"

I walked down two stairs...

"My point is I don't regret being MIA for a week, I only told you and your aunt that I was that taken by you to get you two off my back."

I know, I should be crying my eyes out but he isn't smarter than I am.

"That's funny, because I don't know of anyone getting this upset over someone just touching my boobs if they weren't interested to begin with."

He grabs his keys off the coffee table and heads for the door, but I run to the door... almost knocking his shoulder into the wall.

"This is not how we settle things."

At this point I'm not sure if I sound how I should be sounding in a situation like this, do I sound serious enough?

He better take me seriously either way.

"I don't want to have to hurt a woman, so just get out the way!"

My whole demeanour change and I hate it, what was even a trigger in what he just said?

I know that every time I tried to talk to my mother she would try to leave the room, but what does that have to do with this?

I did get most of my points across, didn't I?

So that should be fine, shouldn't it?

Maybe it's because...he...yelled...

I feel as though I don't know where I am, but that I'm also aware...I feel like I should be watching out for anything and everything... I'm hugging myself right now refusing to look up at him.

"Damn it! I'm sorry..."

I can't feel his hands on both of my arms, but I'm sure he might've said something.

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Thank you for still being here ❤