Hurt

1

chapter 1 • memories

I wake up to a familiar scent, it brought back memories, horrible memories, memories i tried to erase , memories of that night, the night that ruined my entire life.

***

The song "I'm yours" by Jason Marz * so 2010 * plays on the radio while my dad talks about religion, and other weird stuff. My father wasn't a religious man, but I guess today was the day he decided to talk about god.

"What do you think Triple M" my dad asked

"Sorry, what were you talking about" my dad looks at me from the rear view mirror
"I said that I want you guys to burn me and throw my ashes in the beach when I die" he says with a simple smile plastered on his face.

"Whatever you say dad... I don't want to talk about this, I don't want to imagine myself old and wrinkly like you" I said. My mom laughs and my dad gasps while focusing on the road it was dark and rainy it's like they say In the books 'it was a dark and stormy night'.

"Hahaha" my dad says sarcastically "you guys are so funny.. anyways I want you guys to promise me something.. that both of you will move on no matter what, I don't want to die knowing that both of my girls are heart broken and we don't want that right?" my dad laughs and looks at my mom and I.

"so you promise?" he looks at my mom and my mom sighs
"Fine I promise" she looks at my dad and my dad smiles

"You happy now" she says in a bored tone
"Not yet, Macey?!" He says while concentrating on the road

"I promi-" everything stopped.. I hold onto my seat belt and look at my mom who's looking at me.

"HOLY SHIT!" My dad yells

"Sweetie look at me" my mom says but I'm still looking outside

"Macey look at me!" My mom yells again
"Mom!" I cry out.
the car spins to the other side of the road when it hits a truck it was like slow motion, I see my mom jump out of her seat but her seat belt brings her back down.
I see my dad hit his head on the window and the glass shatters, and for all I know the car starts flipping and it won't stop, it keeps going, and going, and going, it was a never ending cycle.

I open my eyes everything was a blur.
I notice my dad wasn't inside the car.

All I feel is pain, my neck hurts and my body hurts. I look at my arms and I see blood all over my arms.
I look down and I see blood dripping on my pants, i didn't really know where it was coming from but i couldn't concentrate.

I look at the passenger seat and i see my mom. The car was flipped on its  side and it was uncomfortable, I unbuckle my seat belt and fall off my seat and hit the door.

"OUCH!" A tear manages to slide down onto my cheeks.

"MOMMY!" I call out to my mom.

"MOM!" I yell she still doesn't respond.
I manage to get up and crawl to the passenger seat, my mom was still breathing I shake her multiple times and nothing I shake her harder this time she groans.

"Wha-what happened" her voice sounds raspy, I look down at her bloody leg. I can tell that it was gone.
I see her look back and forth with despair in her eyes.

"Honey are you okay" she says while flinching.
"Is your dad looking for help?" she asked
"I don't know he wasn't here when I woke up" I said.

"Okay-okay let me-" she takes off her seatbelt and screams in pain.

"Mom careful" I say and help her but she doesn't let me. instead,
I hit the window with my foot and it cracks open, I jump out and see my mom jump out too but she falls right on her face.

"Mom your l- leg" I gasp and cover my mouth
She gets up.

"We have to find your father" she says.

"Go look around I need to sit for a while" she says and sits down.
I try to walk but I limp, my leg just hurts it really hurts.

I see a lot of blood on the ground and I follow it,
I regret doing that so much because it fucked me up and ruined my life.

I see a male body I cover my mouth and see my fathers lifeless body on the ground. His head was smushed under the car, all I see is his body his leg is torn up.
"no" i say under my breath, I fall onto the ground I couldn't breathe I started hyperventilating I started to get dizzy I felt sweaty it was all coming back.

***

I wake up in my on sweat all I hear is my alarm clock go off.
I can't stop thinking about that night can I?!
I instantly remembered it's my first day at a new school and I'm not ready for this, I'm not ready for anything, I'm not.. im just not ready.

I went to many therapists after that night the image of my dad was stuck in my head and I couldn't process what happened.
my moms leg was replaced with a prosthetic.
I just had a few bruises and cuts but I was okay.

I was diagnosed with ptsd after the incident. My panic attacks happen when I remember and think of it to much, it happens in public especially at school, and at school people laugh at me and it hurts because no one wants to help, i started getting bullied my sophomore year.

When summer came along I couldn't handle what had happened those few weeks, people knew who I was and news reporters would always shove cameras at my face. so my mom and i decided to move to Canada.

we needed a change, we couldn't live in our small town anymore. - my mother and i were the bait for all of the news reporters especially when two incidents occurred that same year.
...

I didn't want to be alone knowing what had happened to him, someone I had the most connection to, someone I trusted the most had left me. But at least i know that he's with my dad someone he loved the most.
...

I'm going to a new school with new people and I'm just scared.
what if I get a panic attack in the middle of the hallway and people start laughing,
I'm just scared I just want everything to restart. I hate the dreams and it hurts me to remember...

***

short chapter .