Adopted By My Idols

Chapter 20

  I spent the rest of the night singing along quietly to Blood On The Dance Floor. I didn't want to sleep, so I didn't. I kept thinking about that question. I didn't want to say goodbye, but that's all I wanted. Doesn't make sense? Yeah, I know. I wanted to die, but I didn't want to tell the people I loved bye. 

  At about noon, my door opened slowly and I saw Andy. "You're awake?" he asked, shocked. I nodded. "When did you wake up?" "I-," was all I could say when my eyes began to water and I looked at Andy. He came over and sat next to me, giving me a hug. "Don't be afraid to speak. You can do it, Al. I know you can." I took a deep breath before trying again. "I've been awake all night." "Oh. Well, do you want something to eat?" "No," I sighed. "Do you wanna talk?" he asked. "No. Am I allowed to go for a walk?" I asked. "I'll ask Jinxx and Sammi," he said, walking out.

  I quickly got dressed in a Hello Kitty tank top and black shorts. I did my hair and brushed my teeth right before Andy came back in. "They said sure, as long as you eat something real quick." "Be down in a minute," I said. I slipped on my bracelets and grabbed my phone. I shut my computer down and went downstairs. I grabbed the yogurt off of the counter and ate it. "Leaving!" I shouted, running out of the door.

  I ran for like twenty minutes, not knowing where I was going. I got to this clearing and stopped. It was beautiful. I just layed down on the dewy grass and sighed. I was confused. Very confused. I had no idea why I was this depressed. I wasn't even this depressed when I lived with my parents. What's wrong with me? Everything. I know. I was ungreatful. I was away from my parents, I knew BVB, I loved them all, I met Julian. I SAVED HIS LIFE! You think I'd be happy? I saw BVB perform, I lived with Sammi and Jinxx. THEY SAVED ME! Julian is staying with us for a little. I play and joke around with everybody. They're like a real family to me. Shouldn't I be happy? Yes? Well I'm not. I mean I am. But I'm not. And that makes me mad. Why can't I be normal? Why couldn't I actually be the child of Sammi and Jinxx? Why did I have to even be born, for that matter!? Everything is horrible. But everything is perfect. But it's not? Does that even make sense? ... FUCK IT!

  I was so confused. I'm so young. I don't understand. How can my life be perfect, yet I'm miserable. I want nothing more than what I have, but I'm still unhappy. Why is it that now, I have a family who loves me and I love them, but I feel more alone than before? Why can't I be normal? Why can't I be like a kid who has no worries, has more than one friend my age, good grades, pretty, skinny, NOT AN EMO FREAK. Why am I so stupid? BVB all went through bullying, and look at them now! They don't care! They never self-harmed, or felt bad about themselves. I'm just an attention-seeking brat. Nobody should care about me, yet they do... and I love them. But why?! I let out a sigh of frustration. Why was I like this? I knew I had to talk to Jinxx or somebody about it.

  "WHY CAN'T I JUST DIE ALREADY?!" I screamed to the sky. "It's not your time yet," I heard somebody say. I turned around and saw Terrence. "TERRENCE!" I got up, ran and jumped into his arms. "I'm so glad I can finally hear your beautiful little voice," he said, rocking my back and forth. "What are you doing here?" I asked. I was crying. From happiness, of course."I moved out here. I didn't know this is where the Ferguson's lived. Why're you sad, Al? Did they do anything?" "No, and that's why I'm confused," I said, letting go of him and sitting down. He sat down next to me. "I'm happy. Really, I am. But I'm not at the same time. I love living with Jinxx and Sammi. I love seeing the other Black Veil Brides members everyday. I made a new friend, too." "You did?" he asked. "Boy or girl?""Boy." "Ooo. Is he cute?" he asked. I laughed. That's why I loved him. "Haha, yeah, he is actually." "How'd you meet him?"

"I was at the park and I saw him. He slit his wrists. He tried to kill himself. His parents were abusive, too. I talked him out of it and cleaned him up. He's staying with us until everything with his parents blows over. Jinxx and Sammi said that they'll put him in a foster home, but I got a feeling one of the others will take him." "How's your eating?" "It WAS getting better," I sighed. "I stopped being bulimic by choice. Kind of. They're still easing me out of it but these past few days I haven't been able to eat anything without it coming back up. I'm sick, so I'm hoping that's why." "How about cutting?" he asked, quickly. "I WAS doing good... For about a month. Then, yesterday I think, everything got to me and I... I'm sorry. Because my dad found me." "YOUR DAD FOUND YOU!?" "Yes. We were at an amusement park. Nobody else was there, for some reason. I went into the bathroom. I wasn't talking at the time. But I was laughing and screaming and stuff. Well, my dad was in the bathroom and I couldn't scream because he had his hand over my mouth. Well, he did it to me... what he use to do and I was a little beat. He jumped out of the window and I screamed. They took me to the hospital, and that's where I ended up talking." "Oh dear, anything else?" he asked. "The next day at their concert, I was in a room by myself, sleeping while they were onstage. Security was guarding the door, but my dad was in there. I was able to scream that time and he got arrested," I said. "About time. How'd he get out of jail?" "Beats me, but what I want to know is where my mom is. I haven't seen her since we first got here. We saw them at the airport." "Wow." "Yeah, I know. I met Matt Good, too." "Awesome. Now, tell me how you started talking." "Well, I was waking up in the hospital and the doctor was explaining to the guys plus Sammi that I had bruised ribs... I think, at least. I can't remember. Anyways, Jake, I think, made a comment about Andy. He quoted the BryanStarzzzz interview. I said 'I remember that.' Granted, I didn't know I was talking until afters and that's how it all started," I explained, "I stuttered for like a day, but I got over it." "I'm just glad you're talking," he said, hugging me. "I am, too."

  "So... what has gotten you so depressed?" "My nightmares went away for like a month and now... they're back. I wake up screaming anytime I go to sleep. My sleeping is even getting better now. I stayed up last night, though, because I was terrified. I was talking to Jinxx about it and he said that it's normal for me to be depressed. He said that he'll get me medicine for it." "That's good, at least. You need medicine if you're depressed." "I miss hanging out with you, Ter," I said, leaning against him. "I know, I miss you, too. You're my best friend and you're like, ten years younger!" "Why am I your best friend, anyways?" I asked. "I love being your best friend, but what about people you're age?" "People don't like the fact that I am openly gay. But... I recently got a boyfriend," he said, knudging me with a smile. "NO WAY!" I shouted, bouncing up and down. "Congrats!" "Thanks," he said, equally excited. "Oh, I forgot. Somebody's birthday is coming up." "Ugh, don't remind me." "Fine, fine," he said, tickling me. "Do you want me to drive you home?" "Can you?" I laughed. "I ran here. I have no clue where I am. It took twenty minutes, though." "Silly," he said, pulling me to my feet and ruffling my hair. "Just tell me the house and I'll get you there."

  I told him where I lived and we got in his car. He drove me home, us singing along to Blood On The Dance Floor the whole way. They are his favorite band. He pulled up in front of my house and I jumped out. "Bye, Terrence, hope to see you again. Oh, and tell your boyfriend I said hi! EEP! I'm soo happy for you!" "Haha, thanks, and I'll tell him," he said, "Take care, and please try to get over your depression and never stop talking again!" "I'll try. Bye, Ter!" "Later, Al!" he said, driving away. I turned around and screamed when I saw Jinxx standing there. "Holy shiznets!" I shouted, making him laugh. "You scared me!" "I saw," he said, chuckling still, "Sorry." "It's okay. I saw Terrence!," I said, jumping up and down. "I know," he said, ruffling my hair. "He moved out here. He found me at a clearing like twenty minutes away. We talked for a while, just catching up." "Good. Are you hungry?" "Yes... but I'm scared to eat," I admitted. "Just eat a little bit and you'll be fine don't worry hun," he smiled asuringly, pulling me to the kitchen.

  I ate mashed potatoes and laughed with Sammi, Jinxx, and Julian. Jinxx also gave me pills I had to take for my depression. I remember going upstairs to go to bed with a smile. In a matter of hours, I went from being suicidal, to happy. What? I don't know, really. I'm a confusing person. I swear I'm bipolar! Haha, but I do know that when I fell asleep, I was scared of waking up, going back to how I was that morning. That didn't happen, I'll tell you that. Also, I didn't have a nightmare. I went to sleep with a smile, and woke up with that same smile. I was happy. I still don't know why I got depressed like that. And I still don't know why or how I got happy like this. I was still confused. But I didn't want to worry. The more I thought of it, the more depressed I'd probably get. I didn't want to be depressed again. I hate how it feels.

***** GUYS I'M SORRY I DON'T REALLY UPDATE BUT I HAVEN'T BEEN IN THE BEST SHAPE THESE PAST FEW MONTHS AND I'M NOT REALLY ALLOWED ONLINE THAT OFTEN SO I'M DEEPLY SORRY I'M TRYING TO UPLOAD AS QUICK AS POSSIBLE SO PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH ME. I'M RARELY ALLOWED TO DO ANYTHING HERE SO... YEAH. LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU GUYS THINK SO FAR! OR NOT THATS COOL TOO :P *****