If twilight characters texted each other

Jacob and Mike

Mike: WHY DOESN'T BELLA LOVE ME?!?
Jacob: Bruh, same.
Mike: You must be my brother from another mother. This is the only explanation for our brutal love triangle towards Bella.
Jacob: Lol, naw. That would mean I'd have to be related to Edward. GROSS.
Mike: Ugh, true. I hate that stuck-up, hot, little rich boy.
Jacob: OOOH!
Mike: What?
Jacob: YOU'RE JEALOUS OF BELLA! YOU ACTUALLY LOVE EDWARD, DON'T YOU?!?
Mike: You can't be serious right now.
Jacob: Hey, you called him hot, not me.
Mike: Screw you.
Jacob: Eh, I get that a lot.
Mike: I'm sorry man, I'm team Edward.
Jacob: WHAT?!?!
Jacob: NOT ANOTHER FANGIRL LOST!!!!
Mike: Um, excuse me?
Jacob: What?
Mike: I. AM. NOT. A. GIRL.
Jacob: Sorry, I forgot. Fanwoman.
Ya happy now?
Mike: I'm a male.
Jacob: Eh, in the end, it's the same thing. FLESH AND BONES.
Mike: But, guys have... different parts than girls.
Jacob: Whatever. I gotta go. Can we talk later, bro?
Mike: YEAH.