Her Last Breath~13 Reasons Why~

5

I jerk awake as something hits my window. I push the covers off of me and go over to the window. I look down to the ground and see Alex standing down there. I smile and slip a sweater on and go down to him.

His face is red and I instantly go over to him when I realize he's crying. I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him tightly as he puts his head in the crease of my neck.

"What happened, Alex?" I whisper, wiping a tear off of his face. He looks at the ground and just shakes his head.

He's dripping wet and I don't see his car here. He must have walked.

"I was at Bryce's we were all stoned and drunk and I just lost."I don't even let him finish because I know what he's going to say. I hug him tighter until I start to feel the first few raindrops then we go upstairs to my room. I make sure to lock the door because Mom and dad will freak.

He slides his shoes off and I make him lay down next to me where I lay my head on his chest. He just lays there and I fell back asleep.

~~~

I'm up before Alex is and once I'm ready, I sit at my desk, probably like Hannah was when she made these tapes, and slide my headphones on.

You've heard of the butterfly effect, right? That if a butterfly flaps it's wings at just the right time in just the right place... it can cause a hurricane thousands on miles away.

It's chaos theory.

But see chaos theory isn't exactly about chaos. It's about how a tiny change in a big system can affect everything.

Chaos theory sounds dramatic but it's not. Ask a mathematician. Or better yet ask someone who's been in a hurricane. 

Alex Standall, you caused the hurricane. Now it's your turn.

I press pause on the Walkman and go over to where Alex is still asleep. I nudge him awake and he stretches. He looks up at me and I smile.

"Come on. We still have a thing called school and you my friend have a concert tonight." I say as he sits up. He goes down the hall and gets ready since my parents aren't home.

Little did I know you would F my L forever. Little did I know you would be my hurricane. 

Maybe you think I'm being silly. I'm some stupid girl who gets all worked up over a little thing. But little things matter.

For instance, you never told me when you started dating Jessica. I mean at the time yes we weren't exactly best buds but I shouldn't have found out by Myla telling me. I remember just how it ended though. With your list.

Alex, we hadn't talked since you two got together because I was busy helping my mom with Myla and with work and school. And then it seemed like you two may not be together anymore.

I don't remember much from that time when I was sick but I do remember that Hannah was always there.

Is that why you did it Alex?

Maybe you say it's nothing, Alex. It's just words.

We run over to Alex's house to get his guitar then we start back to school. I want to listen to the tapes so bad right now but I won't with Alex here.

"Hey, Alex." A girl greets him as we walk up. I go over to one of the picnic tables and sit down, watching as they start to get ready.

"Mr. McLean wants us to start with Take Five. He thinks that will raise some spirits." She says. Alex puts the case down and gets his guitar out.

"Ah love me some Brubeck. Though of course it was written by Paul Desmond, but whatever. If they want a spirit raiser how about Gloomy Sunday?" He slides the strap over his head.

"That songs totally depressing. Are you serious?" Troy says. "Or it's beautiful, if you have taste."

"Or if you're suicidal." I feel my body freeze up and I take off around to the football field. I can hear Alex behind me.

I slide down to the ground and cover my ears, tears going down my face. "Calm down, Myla. It's okay." I shake my head and try to steady my breathing.

"She was a person. Not just a girl who killed herself. She was my sister." I start crying harder and Alex just holds me.

"We need to get to class. Just ignore them. Okay?" He says. I nod, wiping my tears and we walk to our first period class which is study hall for me. I slide the headphones back on and press play.

Maybe Alex you were just being a dick.  Alex maybe you think I'm being silly, like I get my titties in a twist over the tiniest things but you didn't walk that hall. You didn't feel those eyes on you. You've never heard those whispers.

At first I thought what a stupid list. Jessica is so much prettier than me. I didn't think of the chaos it would cause.

You think I'm taking it all way too seriously. But here's the thing: you've never been a girl.

That day Hannah had a fight to pick with Alex and when she is determined you don't try to stop her. I could hear her yelling at Alex which caused me to flinch because yes I am really good friends with Alex. Sometimes more than friends. I had to go in there and pull her out of there and the way I was at the time just doing that was pretty hard.

You want evidence, Alex? You want storm clouds and thunder?  Let's go to E-3 on our maps, everyone. The Blue Spot Liquor Store, where butterfly met hurricane.

The Blue Spot was a block and a half away from my  first house here and I went there whenever I desperately needed chocolate and when Myla needed more of her infamous Dr Pepper that she loved so much, which was, like, most days of the week.

One day Hannah had came home from getting her candy and my pop crying. That was when we shared a room because Mom and Dad were scared something would happen during the night and they wouldn't hear.

It seems like nothing until the hurricane hits. Because when you put my name on that list, you put a target  on my, well it wasn't just my ass. You made it open season on Hannah Baker.

The butterfly effect. It all stared with Justin. Then on to you, Alex. And the rest of you.

Maybe these tapes will start a new butterfly effect. Who knows?

Everything effects everything.

I close the door to my locker and I see mom down the hallway. She comes down and looks at Courtney's memorial for Hannah. "Hi, Mrs. Baker. I hope you like it. People keep adding to it. Everyday there's another card or more flowers."

Mom doesn't even notice me behind her. "All these people were Hannah's friends?" Mom asks. I shake my head.

Courtney nods. "She had so many friends. We all miss her so much." Mom picks up a bouquet of roses and looks at them.

"Anyone who knew Hannah would have known she hated roses. She thought they were cliche." Mom puts the flowers down and comes over to me. I hug her and notice the redness around her eyes.

"I'll see you at home tonight." She says then leaves as the bell rings.