The Mist Between Her And Forever

\\Chapter Twenty Three\\

~There comes a point where you no longer care if there is light at the end of the tunnel or not. You're just sick of the tunnel~

\\Chapter Twenty Three\\

There came a point in life when you start to question who you truly are and who you have always hoped to be. Some people got answers and some didn't. For once in my life, I envied those who didn't have the answers. The lost ones. I envied those people so damn much.

Who was I?

Definitely someone I didn't want to be.

I didn't get satisfied by only asking questions. I got myself a great schedule, too. It goes like this:, take a shower to wash the day off, sip a glass of wine in the afternoon, and then make my room dark and lay there. I also occupy myself with a quite nice music, too. It's called silence. I noticed it. I heard it. I also noticed my heartbeats. I heard them. I knew that the fight was not over, but I also knew that failure wasn't so far anymore. And that's how I made it through the day. It's just funny that people couldn't find their weakest point until an earthquake stroke—a catastrophe rocked their world, bringing their false blissful castles to the ground.

My world was shattered. Depression was starting to take the form of a deaf person that was constantly being told how spectacular the music around was. Everyone was moving on with their lives, but I was here frozen in place, afraid to move forward and sick of what's behind me. Gone was my seat in this place as my adaptation methods reached a halt. It's becoming unbearable. Those ropes that were slowly tightening around my neck were starting to suffocate me. Trust me, when I say nobody would want to feel the way I feel.

It's a late nap I woke up from. The phone beside me hadn't stopped ringing for a while and I didn't bother to check it out. My body cracked from sourness and my headache increased with each passing minute as the alcohol took its rightful place in my veins.

A blissful tragedy. That's how you describe the moments you let the alcohol feast on your vulnerable body and consume you wholly. I liked it though. I loved that my demons drowned in wine even; though, they tried to swim so damn hard. They eventually failed. I adored their failure.

Moving my heavy body from the bed towards the bathroom had me nearly falling to the ground. I stood still for a moment, gathering my shattered state, and then resumed my walk towards the bathroom.

The toilet seat was patiently waiting for me like everyday. I threw up what's left in my stomach considering the fact that I hadn't eaten for days. My stomach kept on grunting trying to rid me from the poison boiling in my blood.

Maybe if the air I breathed stopped being so toxic, I'd finally be able to relax. I slowly wiped my mouth with a tissue and headed towards the cabinets searching for some aspirin, not bothering to brush or even comb my hair that had become a knotted mess. I think, there was no solution for it's miserable state.

My hands roamed through the cabinets messily until they finally settled on the bottle of medication. I opened the lid with much force as my fingers kept on shaking. Once the cover finally opened, the pills stumbled from the bottle to the sink.

"Shit." My mouth was arid and my lips were chapped with blood oozing slowly out of them. I reached for the pills collecting them one by one from the sink. Once I had them all secured in my hand, I opened the trash pin to throw them out, but my demon was quick to hold my hand in place. He looked at me seriously for the first time since we originally met.

The look he gave me was serious and firm. My eyes moved from him towards the mirror facing me. An ugly pathetic girl looked back at me. I saw her life slowly fade from her eyes while she still breathed. My eyes lingered on her pleading eyes, begging me to put her out of her misery. Intense unhappiness was what her whole features reflected. She's broken beyond words and she already gave up on this whole mess.