Updated 6/5/17
People treat me as if I'm not human or I'm not real.
People act as if they know me. They know nothing.
I never open up. I've only opened up to 3 people.
It's hard to trust people. They can always come and bite you in the ass or stab your back.
You should never trust anyone in a short amount of time.
You should always keep in mind that somebody who you thought you could trust with your life can always turn around and just stab your back,rip out your heart,suffocate you to death.
Out of the 3 people who I've told a portion of my life to,only 2 of them i have 100% faith in because they went through similar things as me.
I have faith in those 2 people.
I have hope.
I hope that I didn't make a mistake telling them my life.
At times,I have a little voice in my head saying that I'm gonna regret it but I keep on opening up more and more.
Trust is such a strong word but...I trust those 2. They help me.
I have all these issues.
I'm not even close to normal.
I could be laughing and smiling one moment and the next,Ill be breaking down in tears
When reality hits me,i break down.
I try not to but its difficult.
At times,i have panic attacks.
Sometimes,I'm able to hold back.
When i hold back my attacks,i feel my anxiety levels rising through the roof.
When i let go,the attack comes worse than what it would've originally been.
I make the same mistake over and over.
When I'm having my attacks,i feel the world spinning. My vision gets blurry and cloudy with tears, my heart beats rapidly,I shake violently.
Some people may say its crazy.
Honestly,people will never understand what it feels like to have an attack until its actually happened.
Sometimes,it comes out if nowhere.
Other times,it's triggered.
Some may say im crazy but...i hear voices. I see things.
I don't know why but i do.
I'm the middle of the night,I could be staring at a wall and I'll see the same face that I've been seeing for a while now. Over and over. What is it? A demon? A devil? A mask? A person?
I dont know what it is but i see it there
every night.
It's dark,black eyes Piericing into my soul.
I'm like...entranced.
Not a good way either. It's like it has casted a spell on me and im I'm not able to look away.
At times when I'm asleep,i feel as if it's watching me.
Controlling my every move. I'm captured.
At times,I feel as if i no longer have any control over my body.
I feel as if its in me.
It controls my every move,every thought.
I cant move on my own.
I pretty much depend on it.
I try everyday to break through it.
I have been unsuccessful.
I will not make it successfully anytime soon.
I will hopefully make it out alive.
For now,I just have to try to stay alive.
Some days may be harder than others but as long as I have those 2 people with me i know for a fact that i can make it through.
It won't be as hard as trying to make it through myself but it'll still be a challenge.
I don't want to face the challenge but i want to overcome it.
Throughout all this,there will always be that one person who sees me as Inhumane
