Updated 6/20/17
When you're around,i have a strong urge to kiss you.
I don't know why though.
Do i still have feelings for you?
I don't think so.
At least I hope not.
I dont want to have all these feelings.
Do i actually have them?
Or is it just me thinking I have them?
I really hope that i don't still have feelings because i know that we are friends.
Friends...
Something that we'll always be.
Throughout everything,we'll always have eachothers back.
We'll always be there for one another.
I love us honestly.
I don't want my feelings to get in the way of that which is why I try my best to hide them.
I'm able to do it most of the time.
But sometimes...i can't.
Those moments you look me in the eye, I see all those memories we had together.
All those laughs...
All those touches...
Everything.
At those moments,I feel like breaking down.
I feel like breaking down because i can no longer kiss you or hold you the way i used to.
I can no longer do things like that which is why I feel like breaking down.
At times, I'm able to keep my guard up,but other times,it's absolutely impossible and I just start to cry.
I don't want to feel this way towards you.
You've moved on,so why cant I?
Why am i not able to loose these feelings no matter how hard I try?
Why can't i just move on?
Is there something holding me back?
Is there some type of hope?
I have accepted that there probably isnt,but has my mind accepted it?
Does my mind actually think i still have a chance.
My mind and heart are telling me two different things.
My mind is telling me to win you back.
My heart is telling me to just move on and accept the fact that you're no longer mine.
I'm trying my best but it's honestly really hard.
I cant help but to fall even more every time you're around.
I'm sure that one day I'll get over it but for now,I'm trapped in this endless cycle.
I'm lost in hope.
I cant find my way out.
Hopefully one day I will.
But for now...
I will just hold on and hope for the best.
Hope that i won't try something without thinking and end up getting into trouble with people.
I'll make it out some day.
Just...
Not now.
