Updated 6/2/17
I ask myself everyday "why am I not as smart as these other girls " "why am I not pretty like these other girls?"
People always tell me to stop comparing myself to everyone else. To stop hating on myself. To have self love,but it's not that easy.
People who have high self esteem will never understand how it feels to have low self esteem and not love yourself. They will never understand the struggles of not being able to look in the mirror because they are afraid of what they'll see.
People who think that calling themselves ugly just for attention isnt bad,they're wrong. I have all these popular girls in my school who are over here calling themselves ugly on social media but are over here taking like 20 selfies a day and posting them saying "I'm cute". Shit like that isnt cool. There are people out there with low self esteem and you're over here using it as a joke. For attention. You really shouldn't do that. Don't call yourself ugly if you know that you are aren't. Some of us still have a hard time looking in mirrors because we are afraid of what we'll see.
What do we see? It's actually different for everyone.
What do I see? I see someone who will never get anywhere in life. Someone who will never over achieve, yet,under achieve. Someone who is ugly,worthless,useless,invisible, unloved,uncared for. The list goes on and on.
Honestly, its hard to look at myself in the mirror at times. When i do,i see all those things. Sometimes, i go to school not matching because i was too scared to look in the mirror.
People always tell me to take pictures with them,Take pictures of myself. When i try,i delete them unless my face is covered up by something. Anything.
I walk around with my head down and hair in my face. I'm afraid of what people will see when they look at me. Will they see something beautiful? or will they see what i see?
Whatever it may be that they see,I'm not willing to look up just to find out. I'd rather stay looking down where nothing can affect me. Nothing can hurt me. Nobody can do anything. They may all look or stare but I don't care. I'll continue to stay small and hidden. Maybe even try to be aware. Either way,I'm never looking up
