Updated 6/16/17
Mornings...
Mornings are something that i dread the most.
Mornings...
Something that I do not look forward to every time i wake up.
Mornings...
Something that gets me scared.
When I wake up every morning,I'm in pain.
Physically?
Sometimes.
Emotionally?
Everyday.
Every night I cry myself to sleep.
Every morning when I wake up,I'm scared.
Scared of what though?
I'm scared of what could happen that day.
I'm scared that one day I'll wake up and I'll be alone,abandoned, no where to be found.
I'm scared that one day something will happen to me and I'll wake up not remembering a single thing.
I'm scared that one day ill wake up and I would have lost one of my loved ones.
Lost one of the people i cared about the most.
Lost everything I have loved.
Lost everything.
I'm scared that maybe...who knows...im scared that maybe one day i just won't wake up at all.
But...its not me I'm scared for if i don't wake up.
Everyone dies at some point and if my time comes,it comes.
It's my loved ones that I'm scared for.
How will they react?
Will they be sad?
Depressed?
Happy?
Lonely?
Or will they be so shocked to the point that they are emotionless?
No matter what,I'll always be scared to wake up the next morning.
I'm tired of crying myself to sleep.
I'm tired of crying so much to the point that there are no more tears to shed and I'm just staring there blankly at a wall.
I'm tired of feeling like this.
As risky as it is,I just want to be happy.
I have lost people who are very close to me and mean alot to me.
I have gotten told that nobody cares about me.
I have gotten told many things.
They affected me.
But do i show it?
Not all the time.
But there is always that random moment where I'll just break down crying.
Holding in all these emotions sometimes gets the better of me and i just break down.
Any little thing triggers it.
Any little thing these days will make me break down.
If someone says something, I will break down because I cant hold in anymore.
I try to compose myself as much as possible but sometimes,I just can't.
I just cant do it.
Sometimes,I just need someone to be there for me but they aren't.
You know why?
Because i dont want to bother them.
Yes,i need someone to talk to and for them to be there for me but...i don't want to be a burden.
I don't want to disturb them.
I don't want to distract them from what they are doing at that moment.
I dont want to make them waste their time on me...
Me...
A depressed girl who has many issues.
Panic attacks...
Anxiety...
Depression...
Many other things.
A girl who will never be normal.
A girl who will never be okay.
A girl who can never say "I'm fine" and actually mean it.
A girl who can never be truly happy...
