Love doesn't exist?(N.H) {ON HOLD}

Chapter 13

(Paisley's POV)

  I started to cry, but I was also confused. Why did he do that? How did I not know? My radar is breaking.
  I thought long and hard about the possibilities. He was always so gentle. He was so protective. The question is, why isn't he any of those things anymore?

  Thoughts of death and pain randomly flooded into my mind. JJ doesn't need me anymore. He can survive without me. He has for years.

  I started to shiver. My body cold with the thought. I grabbed a pillow from my bed, and through it on the floor next to me. I reached for the pillow, and stuffed my face deeply into it's softness.

  I screamed as loud and long as I could. Nobody would hear me anyways. No one is home. Not even my brother. They all went to a Skillet concert in Detroit. They asked me if I wanted to go, but I didn't say or move anything to give them the answer they were hoping for.

  I started to think. Think of ways to end all the pain and suffering. Slitting the wrist, suffocating, drowning, and many more options.

  The scars on my left forearm was prof that I was suffering to stay alive. I was suffering to want to stay alive. I get that my life could be a lot worse, but it all started when Joey had to go through chemo therapy to cure his cancer; Ewing Sarcoma.

  It was found in a tumer, in his right foot. That is the reason why I have a foot phobia.

  The other reason is that I am extremely anti social. I don't have many friends. Bonnie, Courtney, and Dani are my only real friends.  I just don't know how to get through life.

  I extited my room, and descended down the stairs to the kitchen. I fumbled through the silverware to find the knives.

  I looked for the sharpest one. I found it, and let the dwore close as I pushed it in forcefully. I turned around, and stared out the bay windows. The sun was setting.

  Bright shades of orange and red colored the sky. The sun looked like a huge fire ball, inching closer towards the earth.

  I started to feel the tingling of when you're about to cry come through my nose.

  I quickly turned, and dashed up to my bedroom's bathroom. I stood in front of the mirror. Looking at my hideous reflection.

  I stared down at my wrists. Thinking of what direction will do the most damage. Remembering the picture I seen a while ago. Side to side will get you in the hospital, but down the middle will get you into the morgue.

  I placed the tip of the knife on my wrist. I pressed down, and SLICE.

  Blood gushed out of the wound.

  I collapsed to the floor.