The future has already past

like tonight

It was a night like tonight,
maybe a bit warmer
about 3 years ago.
When we still talked.
I remember watching you go

or waiting for you to come
or musing about the way that you came and go
but how your smell and the taste of your lips on mine stayed
I was crying much like I was tonight,
but for different reasons.

I remember sitting on the curb by my mailbox
playing with pebbles and shards of broken asphalt
crying because you told me you requested more information
on the Army and maybe wanting to enlist.
I cried because I was scared.

Tonight I cried because I was scared but
for myself.
I was crying silently, tears rolling down my face
as my parents tried to console me.
I am afraid because tomorrow is my last day of school
and I didn't think I'd make it this far.
Not because my high school career was full of suicidal ideation
But because of everything I've been through and how I'm a better person.

I cried because I'm done and I did it, and there was a point in time that I thought I'd fail
and have to repeat classes, but I pulled my shit together
I cried because I am proud of myself.

I cried because I did it, despite everything else going on.
I finished this chapter of my life and I can finally close this book.
On you Nick,
on you Luke
on every broken heart
every night spent crying because I felt incomplete
on every grudge
I did it.
I made friends,
I made enemies,
Learned new things,
rose above my counselor who said I wouldn't get into the cosmetology program
rose above the faculty who told me and 14 others we couldn't go back to said program.

I did it.