The future has already past

something I've been meaning to write

but not knowing how to write it

isn't that the eternal struggle of any artist

having an idea but not knowing how to communicate it

I tell the story
of how I started smoking
with a grin of disbelief
i started out of spite, probabaly one of the most petty and stupid things I've ever done.

You left with a guilty conscious I left with worsening anxiety and a bad habit.

I can't help but re read your poetry and pick apart what I couldnt before
and I realize how high school that is

only reminded by a guy I met on tinder
how communicating with poetry isn't fun not is it productive

for years I wish I could talk to you about what was wrong
but it took losing myself to find my voice
and now it's not worth it
there are no I'll feelings
there is no uncertainty

I've said it once and I'll say it a hundred times more,
I don't want to write about you anymore.

but I know I will because I am a poet and I lie
I am a poet
and I bottle things inside
I am a poet who doesn't write as often as I should
I am a poet with no muse anymore.