“No” I said for the tenth time in this conversation. “I can’t. Why?” I shouted back at him. “I am going on vacation with my friends and my brother that’s why.” I was so frustrated with conversation to begin with. I knew I shouldn’t have answered the phone so that was my mistake. It wouldn’t have been good news for me though if I ignored the call. “Fine” I growled. “You owe me.” I hung up the phone, looking around to make sure no one heard me.
“Who were you yelling at?” Louis asked, placing his luggage on the kitchen floor.
“No one. When are we leaving?”
“Our flight takes off in two hours. We have to leave now.” He was so happy to be going away. I envied how much he enjoyed life. He’s so carefree. I try to be but when I am I end up in situations like the one I am in now. I’ve always been one to party and have fun. I craved it. But when I couldn’t escape Louis and his friends I went searching for fun and ended up in a dangerous situation. Now I can’t even turn the corner without freaking out that something might happen to me. I wish I could live his life. No fear.
And as much as I hate Brianna, he is so in love with her. I can’t even do that. I am so afraid of falling in love. I’m afraid of getting hurt. Niall’s right. I build my walls so high that no one will climb them. He might be trying to break through them but they are sturdy and aren’t coming down easily. It’s so hard for me to let anyone in. I have trust issues with everyone. Especially Niall. He is the one person who could hurt me the easiest. And I know how he is. He is the life of the party. Every girl wants to be with him and every guy wants to be him. How do I compete with that? There are so many girls much prettier and better than I am willing to throw themselves at him. It would just take one drunken night for him to give in to the temptation. And if that happened I would fall apart.
You could say if someone truly loves someone they wouldn’t do that. Yeah, well look at my parents. They were madly in love. Many people still think they still are but I know better. They put on a nice show for everyone. No one would guess that they are constantly betraying each other. So how can I sit here and say that if someone truly loved me they wouldn’t hurt me when I’ve seen it my whole life. My parents fucked me up pretty bad.
But what if I was the one to hurt him? Sometimes I make rash decisions. When I get to comfortable with someone I screw it up. Most of the time on purpose. After Niall left for college I tried dating someone. He was so nice and caring. He was a good filler while Niall was away. Once we got comfortable with each other, I freaked out. I ended things with him. He was getting too close and I couldn’t have that and I can’t even explain why. Like I said, I’m just fucked up emotionally. Even Niall said it.
“Alright” I said, slowly getting up off the stool at the island. I started to bite my nails trying to figure out how I was going to do this. I knew the minute they knew I was going to Mexico they were going to force me into this. I should have just kept my mouth shut about where I was spending spring break. My mistake.
“You okay?” Louis asked. “You seem out of it.”
“Hmm?” I spun around to face him. “Um, yeah I’m fine. Let me just grab my stuff and I’ll meet you in the car.”
I slept the entire flight. Niall sat next to me. It was nice to just lean on his shoulder and pass out. No one thought too much of me cuddling up next to Niall. I’ve cuddled with all the guys. He nudged me awake before we landed.
“You’re adorable when you sleep” he whispered in my ear. I shook my head and pushed his side. “Probably cause you’re not speaking” he laughed.
“You are such an ass” I rolled my eyes.
“But you love my ass.” Already we were starting with this flirtatious arguing. I wanted to have a good time with Niall. I had a huge fight with my mom this morning and I needed the distraction. At the same time, we didn’t have a relationship. He was free to do whatever he wanted. Having Louis around will complicate anything happening between us. So who knows, he might just find some girl down here and bring her home.
