“I love you Lauren. I’ve been stupid and selfish. I don’t deserve one second of your time. I really don’t even know why you’ve put up with me for as long as you have. And when you wake up I expect you to not even want to waste your time on me. Promise me that. For two years now we’ve had this thing going on. For one reason or another neither of us took a chance. Maybe it was fear but I’m not afraid anymore. I’m not afraid to keep on falling. You are the only one who can bring my guard down. I need you to wake up because I need to say this looking into your eyes. Seeing how pathetically in love with you I am.”
I heard his words. Though I couldn’t open my eyes or try to move any part of my body, I heard everything he said. I was just lying there lifeless. It was only for those split moments that I remembered anything. It seemed like it took all my energy to open my eyes but I couldn’t. Nothing is worse than that. Not being able to express how I feel. Not being able to speak up and be heard. Not being able to look into those gorgeous blue eyes of his and tell him that I felt the same way. That I wasn’t afraid either. I wasn’t concerned anymore with how Louis felt about us. I wasn’t afraid that Niall might and probably will end up hurting me in the end or vise versa. It was all worth it. I like to live life with no regrets. And if my heart is shattered into a billion pieces at least I can say that I wasn’t afraid to try. I took a leap and maybe it didn’t work in my favor but at least I wasn’t afraid to fall.
When my eyes finally opened I could barely see. I couldn’t speak. My head was pounding that I could barely think. The nurse ran to my side and placed another pillow behind my head so I could sit up comfortably. When my vision cleared I saw Niall sleeping in one chair and Louis sleeping in another. Both looked so peaceful. I know they’ve been worried and everyone probably wants to know what happened. I wasn’t ready to be ambushed with people or questions and for once I wanted the nurse to make everyone leave and tell them I needed m rest.
“How do you feel?” the nurse whispered, trying not to wake Niall and Louis.
“I’m okay” I lied. The pain was excruciating. With my track record there was no way I was getting pain killers so what was the point. Yes, the pain is bad but I could get through this.
“They’ve been here every night. They refuse to leave.” I just sat back and smiled. It hurt to speak or even move my head slightly. I still wasn’t sure how bad my injuries were. I couldn’t tell if my leg was broken or anything. All I remember from the accident was Danny yelling at someone on the phone and he lost control of the car and we rolled. I don’t remember anything after that. But what about Danny? Is he alive? Is he hurt? Not that I really cared. I guess I could consider Danny a friend but honestly I don’t care if he’s in my life or not. I just hope he’s alive because I would never wish that upon anyone.
“Would you like the TV on or something to eat?” the nurse asked before she left the room. I nodded my head no as slow as I could. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes.
When I woke up again, my room was empty. I saw my mother on the other side of the window. She was just watching me, probably hoping that I would open my eyes again. I can’t imagine what she is going through. We had just gotten into one of the biggest fights we’ve ever had. I still can’t believe the words that came out of my mouth. I may have thought some bad things about my mom but I would never say them out loud. She caught me at a bad time and I said many things I didn’t mean.
I couldn’t imagine the last words to my daughter being “Leave. I don’t want to see you.”And I didn’t want calling my mother a cheating whore to be the last words I ever said to her. She’s my mom and I will love her regardless of what she does. My family has many problems but what family doesn’t? She deserves forgiveness, as do I.
