Chance to fall or walk

Chapter 34

Nagulat ako, kilala ko tong boses na eto. Pero it can't be, hindi pwede to, bakit ngayon? I slowly looked at the person behind me. Nanlaki ang mata ko at halos malaglag ang bibig ko sa sobrang pagkagulat, right here in front of me is my ex-boyfriend.

"Shit." mahina kong bulong sa sarili, I closed my open mouth and gave him a smile "Ian? Mabuti, ikaw kamusta?" Ngumiti sya at mas lumapit sa akin, umatras naman ako ng onti dahil hindi na ako makahinga, para bang I'm suffocated, matagal sya bago mag salita, pinag mamasdan nya ang buong mukha ko "I'm fine. Good to see you, Lux." I was in a state of shock, I still couldn't move from where I was standing, I pointed outside "Uhm. Mauna na ako, good to see you too.." ngumiti ako at lumabas agad.

Fuck. After how many years, four? five? Years of not seeing each other, he's here. The last time I saw him was when he left me outside of the university in the UK.

Pumunta ako ka-agad para mag-shower bago pumunta sa head & shoulder massage, hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala na nagkita na kami after how many years. At least hindi ako nag break down, hindi ako nag collapse. It was a close call, thank God kinaya ko yun. I made sure that hindi na ulit kami mag kita, hindi dahil bitter ako, o dahil mahal ko pa sya pero dahil oo naka-move on na ako sa kanya, sa ginawa nya pero I don't think I can speak to him right now, wala akong gusto sabihin sa kanya. Not now, I need more time to fully heal, onti na lang one hundred percent healed na ako. Onti na lang. Kaya wag na sya ditong mag pakita para hindi maudlot ang pagiging okay ko.

Habang nasa head & shoulder massage ako na pool, just relaxing, letting all my worries out. Peace.

"You alone huh?" His voice sounded serious.

I didn't respond, wasn't it obvious? Mag isa ako. He didn't speak again but he went close to me so that he can use the head and shoulder massage. Bakit ba yun andito? Sinusundan ba nya ako? Assuming ba ako? Gusto ko mapag-isa, kung gusto kong may kasama sana sinama ko sila Cara.

Tumayo nalang ako at umalis, I don't think I need to tell him that I was about to go somewhere else, sa pag tayo bigla syang nag salita in a playful tone "Still the same huh?", tinignan ko sya with my curious eyes. Hindi ko nalang sya pinansin at tuluyan nalang umalis.

Kahit kailan talaga ang galing mang-asar ng isang yun, galing sumira ng vibes sa mga obvious questions nya. Some people will never change, even if you try your best to try and improve them. If they don't want it, you can't force it.

Pumunta nalang ako sa back massage, dumapa ako para tuluyan mabasa ng malalakas na buhos ng tubig ang aking likod. I was already drowsing off when "Why are you alone? Asan si Cara?" His cold voice startled me, bigla akong tumayo sa pagkaka dapa at tinignan syang mabuti.

Ano bang gusto netong mangyari? For us to have a casual conversation? Really? For us to speak as if he did not destroy me years ago. I mean, I've moved on from that, I guess. But that doesn't mean that I'm okay speaking to him like this.

"Mas gusto kong mag-isa Ian."