The Broken and Hurt (Niall Horan)

Chapter 29

Its been 2 and a half weeks since the surgeries. yea I had two sepreate ones. ive been wheelchair bound since then so its been a little difficult to maneuver at school. niall or gemma have been wheeling me around. I hate it but they love it because they get to leave class a bit early to bring me to my class. but I feel so irrelevant and burdensome, because I cant help out with anything and people have to scramble and rerrange everything according to me.

i dont rememeber much from the surgeries.  but I rememeber saying goodbye to mum and telling her I love her, Tony telling my to not kick the doctor and kissed my forehead, maggie just giving me a  hug. I was wheeled into a room that looked like it belonged on a spaceship. bright lights, stainless steel and that medicinal smell of antiseptics and hospital. after the mask was placed on my face,  there is just a blank spot in my memory.   I woke up in a white hosptital room with my family sitting around. but the second time gemma and niall were sitting in my room talking to each other. they were so immersed into their conversation, they hadnt known I woke up. both spoke in a hushed voice so i couldn't hear what they were saying.  I grabbed my phone off the little side table and plugged in my Beats. with music rushing to my ears, I checked emails, Twitter, tumblr, instagram and my texts.  there were alot from friends and team mates sending their well wishes.   after a while,  the anesthesia started wearing off and I could begin feeling the pressure and pain my legs. Gemma and Niall finally stopped talking when the nurse came in to give me pain meds.  "how long have you been up , Miss?" the nurse asked. "about and hour." I shot a look at my friends sitting on the measly couch. They apologised after the nurse left. I never found out what they were talking about that they didnt notice I woke up.

anyway, back the present.  im sitting on my bed talking to Tony on the phone. "hows he house hunt going bro?"  "fine I guess. its a lot of work."  "what are you guys looking for?" he huffs before speaking again. "honestly Lizzie, I dont even know. Mags is looking for that one house that just fits us..but we havent found it yet." "oh. thats a struggle. well Im going to get food and meds. talk to ya later Ton." "alright get some rest cripple."

I hang up the phone and grab my crutches. I hobble down the stairs. I rummage through the cabinets in attempts of finding something to eat. I settle for a couple of granola bars and a mug of tea. painkillers and anti infection pills are swallowed and slowly make my way to the couch and watch the telly.  I stream Dance Moms on Netflix. this show is so funny. the mums are seriously mental and shallow. I watch the girls leap and twirl. graceful and fluid moves all flowing together. silent landings on the feet,  bending their legs to absorb the impact. I wish I could dance like that. but I dont even know if I could run anymore.

thoughts race through my head uncontrollably.  I cant stop them. they just keep coming. thoughts of helplessness, loneliness,  indefinatness and just everything. each other wrecking more havoc on my mind and sanity.  sobs rack through my chest, tears sting my eyes and face. i scream until my voice goes hoarse. each scream releasing all the anger and sadness that was building up. my body goes numb to eveything. I ball myself up and sob into the couch. minutes go by. my hands slam on the cushions. why cant I just control my mind?

strong arms wrap around my body and am brought up to a chest. I fight back and resist the embrace. I thrash around and fall to the floor. I crawl to the corner of the room and push myself as far into the corner as possible. i hear the person rises of the couch and walk over to me. my skin flinches when their fingers brush over my shoulder.  "Elizabeth.  its  alright. please. calm down. shhh.  please stop crying. it will be okay. I promise."  Niall's voice drifts to my ears. I allow him to wrap his arms around me. I burrow my face into his chest. I inhale his scent, aftershave and cotton, and it immediately comforts me. he pulls me onto his lap.  he rocks me as his breath tickles my ear. dry heaves and sobs escape my throat and my whole body shakesm Nialls chest vibrates as he begins to speak. I dont know what he is saying. my breathing slows down as I finally understand what Niall is saying, well more like singing.  I let my eyelids close as Niall continues his song.

"When your tears are spent on your last pretense 

And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense. 

When it's in your spine like you've walked for miles 

And the only thing you want is just to be still for a while

If your heart wears thin I will hold you up 

And I will hide you when it gets too much

I'll be right beside you

I'll be right beside you

When you're overwhelmed and you've lost your breath 

When the space between the things you know is blurry nonetheless.

When you try to speak but you make no sound 

And the words you want are out of reach but they've never been so loud

If your heart wears thin I will hold you up 

And I will hide you when it gets too much

I'll be right beside you

I'll be right beside you

I will stay. 

Nobody will break you,

Yeah.

Trust in me, trust in me.

Don't pull away

Trust in me, trust in me.

I'm just trying to keep this together, 

Because I could do worse and you could do better

Tears are spent on your last pretense 

And your tired eyes refuse to close and sleep in your defense.

If your heart wears thin I will hold you up 

And I will hide you when it gets too much

I'll be right beside you

Nobody will break you

If your heart wears thin I will hold you up 

And I will hide you when it gets too much

I'll be right beside you

Nobody will break you. (beside you-Marinas trench)

"Lizzie dont cry. ill always be here and ill never leave.  ill hold you up when you fall. I promise. you can always count in me being there for you. " Niall whispers in my ear.

"please dont leave." I say in such a whisper I barely heard it.

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poor lizzie. she had a mental breakdown. I hope it doesnt get worse.... oh wait ill know what happens. muahha be prepared for dramma in a couple chapters. if you dont like it then Póg mo thóin >:)

HAPPY ST. PATRICKS DAY!! time to break out the pints and potatoes.  erin go braugh! hope everyone had a great shamrock filled day! im on spring break this week so I might update again.  okay that will be it for right now.

Slán cairde. Lá sona naomh Pádraig.

Emily xx