The Broken and Hurt (Niall Horan)

chapter 34

Its raining today. Im standing under a black umbrella  next to your coffin. There are a dozen flowers on the top that are brighter than the day. My tears mixed with the rain as I watched the flowers  travel down into the 6 foot deep hole. I stood by myself while my brother and yours stood together and my mother and Gemma under one.  There are more people here than I bet you thought.  All your co workers, classmates, teachers and your parents in the back. They are crying too. Only now because theyve realized what awful parents theyve been. Irish traditional sings are playing because you would always sing them in the car and in class.  the parting glass was always my favourite.

Your coffin is finally laid at the bottom of the hole where it will remain for eternity. Your body turning to dust never to be seen the same way again. My knees buckle and I kneel at the edge. Ed comes next to me and whispers " he wouldn't want you to do this. He would want you to be strong. And so do I."  I stand up and smoothe my dress down like nothing ever happened and wait for everyone to leave.  I pick up a single dandelion from the ground, kiss it and toss it into the hole. I turn and walk away holding Ed's hand. We go to my car and turn on the heat on. I turn the radio on and wait for the voices to slowly fill the car. A familiar melody builds up. No. This song cant be on right now.  It cant. This is crazy. Stop. Is this a  sign?

"Summer has come and past. The innocent can never last.  Wake me up when september ends."

As the song continues the tears fall. Ed crawls into the front seat and holds my hand. The pitter patter of the storm hits the windows harder and harder.

"Here comes the rain again, falling from the stars. Drenched in my pain again. Becoming who we are."

We cry for a while until dry our eyes and go home. I lay on my bed and the same song plays again. I hold back the tears. I still cant believe youre gone. I keep expecting you to walk in and lean against the doorframe. But you dont. I seem to call your phone in the middle of the night when I know you would be getting off work, but it goes straight to voicemail; your happy voice fills the speaker. I grow sad because ill never hear your voice in person again, only the repeats I hear in my head.  Ive cried more now than i have ever done in my life. But i just cant seem to get it together. I have to get it back to normal. I roll off and walk to my closet. I reach up and grab the envelope I hid a week ago. As I head down the stairs I call for Ed. He runs to meet me and I hand him the letter. He rips it open and inside is the picture of all of us at the ice rink and adoption papers signed by my mum to make Ed part of our family.  He looks up at me with such a grateful face. He hugs me as tight as he can. I do the same.  "How bout we go and get all of your things?" I say with a smile.

And we soon find ourselves at the front door of your house. I take a deep breath in and knock on the door. there is no answer so we enter the dark house alone. I tell Ed to go get his things while I slowly walk to your room. I open the door and your musk wafts through. Aftershave, cotton and sleep. It reminds me of when we would fall asleep together and my clothes would smell like you. It comforts me. I close my eyes and breath it in. I look around, everything is strewn throughout like you were just here, even though you werent. And you never will be in this room again. I walk to the bed and sit down. I pick up the jumper thats there , its my favourite one, the  oversized maroon wool one. I slip it on and continue looking around the room. There is a notebook underneath your pillow, it looks tattered and worn with pages sticking out of the sides. Ed calls me into his room to check the the stuff he has packed: most of his clothes and some toys. I zip up the bag and bring it downstairs when Ed asks if im wearing your sweater, I nod and he says ' I have one of his t-shirts. It makes me feel better when im sad or scared.'  ' me too ed.' These are the only things we have left of you, besides our memories and pictures. Its funny how quickly you can forget things about a person, but that will never happen here. Niall, you will never be forgotten, I bet my life on it. I just hope that you never forget anything. I run back upstairs, back to your room and grab the notebook on the bed and your cologne because I have ny favourite clothing of yours already. I close your door and lock it with the key you gave me so no one disturbs the way it looks right now. Its perfect.

Ed and I are back at my house looking through the notebook. Its filled with pictures, tickets and journal entries. You didnt want to forget either. You wrote everything down. I check the last entry, September 10th, the day you died. It reads

' my dearest elizabeth,
I hope you find this journal, whether it be a few days from now or years in the future. Just know that this past year is better than anything I could have ever imagined. I lost and confused and then you came along. You were the light that made your way through the darkest clouds that was my mind and heart. You are the only one to do so amd I couldnt have asked for any other person to do that. I hope you know that I love you very much. Oh lizzie. I do love you so much. I finally called you lizzie.... wow I guess death can change you like that.  Oh well. Even in death, you made me feel alive. As you see I kept, wrote down and rememebered everything. Why would I wwant to forget any of this? Everything we did together was perfect. I felt so at home with you. I remember the first time I came over to your house and you went upstairs to take a shower, when you back down you sat right next to me like we've done that a million times before.
Elizabeth please never change the person you are. Your character is the best in the world and my favourite. I couldnt have asked for a better girlfriend and best friend. Please dont cry over me lizzie. We will see each other again. Im gonna be fine. Trust me. Everything is going to be okay. Im so tired. Im gonna end this letter but know that my love will continue on and on. Forever and ever. I love you so much. It will be proven in this notebook. Please be good. Dont mourn me for too long. Carry on with your life. Thats what I want you to do. Go to university, get a good job, marry a nice guy ( although he will never be as goodlooking or treat you betteer than me).
This is it. I love you my dear Elizabeth Rose Reeds. Goodnight and sweet dreams. Goodbye for now.
Niall James Horan.'

I didnt realize I was crying until a tear splashed on the paper. I quickly soaked it up becuase it didnt want it to smudge your writing. I put the notebook on my nightstand and cuddle around Ed as we fall asleep.

I understand that everyone dies eventually and we live our life to the fullest. Its up to everyone on what they want to do with it, whether they decide to be happy and make good choices or if they want to be terrible people. You would've been one of the happy people. You were one of the happy people put into the life of a one of the terrible people. And you made your time here special. You effected so many peoples lives and you didnt even realize it.

I set my alarm tomorrow when it hits me. You turned 18 today. You were buried on your birthday. You actually lived in your ahort time here. You were taken tooo soon. But your wish came true. Ed was adopted and away from your parents. I guess that song really was a sign. Even if it keeps raining, I know that it is you showering us.

I did try to fix you as much as I could, Niall. But its not our faults that we were put into the situations we were in. We are always going to be the broken and hurt. But thats the way I like it.

Youre my angel in the sky looking out for us. I love you Niall. Good night. Ill see you in my dreams.

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Well thats it. Its over.  Hes gone. Ed is adopted. Lizzie is living with it.
BUTTTTT..... dont delete this cuento (story) just yet. I think im going to add like inserts from her life like whats going on in her future and with ed and her fanily and stuff. So yea.
Thank you for traveling through this journey that was this plot. I truly apperciate it. 4.53k reads is more than what I was expecting when I got the idea to write this. You guys are the best.

Thank you. Its been great.
Emily xxx