If Only I Could Reach Your Hand..( A TomTord Fanfic )

Chapter 14 It wasn't you

HAHHA LOOK WHO'S NOT DEAD

Tord's POV
I clutched my chest. I never felt something like this. I hated it. I dropped the flowers. They were no longer useful anyway. Tom loves Edd. Not me. So I should feel happy for them. Right?

I looked at them. Edd was suprised while Tom startes confessing how he loved him so much from the very start. Edd also confessed that he loved him too. He almost even stopped hoping but knew he should try once more. But apparently, he didnt have to. Edd kissed him. I guess I already lost the game the day I met Tom.

I looked at Matt which was standing beside them, a small smile in his face to indicate he was happy for them. He walked behind them so they wouldn't see what he is anymore.

He looked me in the eyes.

Nothing was in there anymore.

No hope.

No sadness.

Not even love.

Just plain numb.

He walked towards me, placing a hand at my shoulder. He whispered,

"We're both too late."

He then left. I didn't bother knowing where he was going, Nor did I care. I just never knew how it feels to have a heartbreak.

I can't let them show me like this. So, I walked up to them with a fake smile.

You never deserved this anyway.

"Tom! Edd! Congratulations you two lovers!"

Why did you even think this would work?

"Ah! Tord. Thank you. I just can't believe this."

Whats done is done. Move on.

"Wow Tom! Never knew you had the guts!"

You'll hurt yourself even more.

"Well, to be honest. I was kinda nervous."

Why do you keep doing this?

"Well then. You finally got him."

If you knew how much it hurts.

"You definitely do Tom! Now i'm all yours~"

Why did you bother look and smile at them?

"Haha get a room you two!"

Walk away like Matt.

"Pfft. Look we just confessed commie."

I guess you're stronger than you look.

They blushed while they hold hands. It does hurt me to see them like this. But, i'll move on eventually. I walked towards the exit of the mall without them noticing.

I looked back to see Tom picked up the flowers I dropped. I felt my heart break once more. I ran to God knows where. Just somewhere without them. I decided I could either walk home or take a cab.

I never noticed that I was already sitting on a bench pouring my eyes out. I cried harder than I ever did. I took this opportunity to think about all of this.

Love really does hurt huh? Love makes you weak. Ask yourself this and decide.

Why bother staying if you know you would be hurting?

I thought about what my mind told me. They had a point. Why do I still do this? It just pains me more. Am I still hoping? No. Its because they're my friends.  And I will be willing to make them happy even if it hurts me.

I continued letting my tears falls as the sky cries with me. I started laughing. I didn't know why. Maybe by how pathetic I am. I looked at the sky, wondering. 'Why did I even fall in love with him?'

After crying, I stood up, wiping my tears away as I stopped crying. I walked towards our house. I noticed that it was locked. It means they aren't home yet.

I took out my keys and slowly held the doorknob to open it. Once opened, I ran towards the bathroom after closing the door.

I opened the door to the bathroom to hear some someone sniffling. I walked towards the sound to hear it loudly. I checked the door to see that it was Matt's. Huh, he must've locked the door.

I sighed, knowing he's in the same problem with me. I quickly ran to the bathroom again so I can change. I looked myself at the mirror. I looked disgusting. I was soaked, my eyes red and puffy from crying, and I also had a few cuts in my face.

Sometimes, I would cut myself. I started at the wrists but eventually got sick of it besides I wasn't satisfied as well. So I cut myself near my ears or sometimes my cheek.

I made up excuses whenever they saw it. I been into fights and other stuff.

I removed my clothes to see the same cuts and a few bruises. Some were new but most were already healed. I stopped cutting. But since I have a new reason to cut, i'll probably continue.

I took a short shower and changed. I heard some shuffling downstairs.  The new lovebirds must be here. I walked out then downstairs so they wouldn't be suspicous. I saw them once again holding hands while Edd's head on Tom's shoulder.

They were at the kitchen discussing some things probably. I walked to the couch not noticing them and turned on the t.v.

"Ah Tord! There you are. We've been looking for you!" Edd says.
"Yeah commie. Where have you been?" Tom questions.

I stared at the t.v. a few seconds before responding.

"I was just outside then went straight to home." I say while still watching. Not making any eye contact.

"Oh. Uh do you know where's Matt?" Edd asks while walking to me.
"He's in his room."
"Oh yeah. Why did you guys leave early..?" Edd says concerned while looking at me.

I looked at him and responded, " I had some business that I needed to do."

He nodded and went back to Tom.

I stared at the screen not paying attention to the screen whatsoever.
"I'm just going up" I say before they could ask me more questions.

I walked up and noticed Matt's door quite open. I slowly walked in to see Matt sleeping peacefully. I noticed his face was red and some tearstains on it as well. I sighed, atleast someone's going through what I am.

Ah yes sorry for not updating. School has been eating me up lately since i'm starting. Yep no more vacation for me. I also realized i've been gtting tired lately everytime I go home. I'm not always like this but oh well I guess.