If Only I Could Reach Your Hand..( A TomTord Fanfic )

Chapter 19 Nothing is fine

Tom's POV
I sighed a bit, smiling a bit happily as I realize Tord was getting better. I soon noticed he lead me to a park.

"Remember this?" Tord asks out of the blue, his smile showing. Something was off though. His smile didn't quite reach his eyes. It was like remembering a memory but knowing that you could never have it the same way again.

I look up with confusion to see the same swingset as before. I gaped as the swingset was broken. The rope that used to held the chair was gone. The chairs were also broken into two. My eyes were wide. Looking at Tord, his gaze was at the swingset. His hand seemed to held my arm tighter.

I knew he was angry at whoever did this. But right now, it seemed that he looks so attached to the swingset. I didn't know why. I mean, we sat here once but it wouldn't really matter.

Soon, the sun began to go down without us realizing. In the end, we just sat on the grass but we never said a word. I tried to initiate a conversation with him many times. It didn't work so I gave up. I wanted to go home but it looked like Tord wanted some company so I stayed.

I could feel the wind blow and though it may look awkward to us both, we both knew that it didn't really matter. I was glad that he looked like he was getting better but right now it seemed that he got even worse.

I couldn't take it anymore as I finally asked him, "What's wrong? You've been down lately "

Tord glanced, and I saw him smile though it was brief, I knew he still did. Forgot about butterflies, he gave me the whole zoo.

"Nothing. Let's go back home." He says to me as he stood up. I can't let him do this. I'm tired of knowing something's wrong when there clearly isn't. I stood up as well while grabbing his wrist. He looks at me, suprised.

"Stop pretending everything's fine!" I shout, I knew somewhere inside me, I shouldn't have done that. But I don't like seeing him like this. I want to see him smile, be happy. The moon shined on us along the stars. This isn't some sappy romance clichè yet it felt like it. I didn't care about it though.

I look at him seriously. His gray eyes were also shining. We both stayed there, looking at each other until he cuts the silence off.

"Everything is fine." Tord responds quietly like a whisper. It was laced with sadness, regret and longing? I'm not quite sure as he starts to remove his wrist from mine. I tighten it and it seemed he gasped.

I frowned. It looked like he was hurting, small beads of sweat were rolling down his face. I looked down to his wrist. There was this liquid substance that was blood...

There were cuts on his arm. Scars that were old are reopened now, most of them were new. I looked at him again, tears were threathing to fall on his face as he looked away. That was when everything came to me. Emotions were stirring up in my head. I loosened my grip on him as he started to run far away. The opposite direction to our house.

I realized this as I gasp, hearing footsteps get far away. I glanced at my hand which was covered in blood.

So he was cutting all along. And I didn't know anything about it.

How pathetic of me.