Love Will Remember (Camren)

Chapter 4: But Why, Lauren?

*Camila's P.O.V*

I laid awake with the sun shinning down on us for what felt like a few hours.  I decided to at least get ready for the day and help Lauren pack so when we have to leave all I have to do is wake her up and we can go.  I want to put the least amount of stress on her, I know she can't deal with to much right now.

I slid out of Lauren's grasp and kissed her forehead.  "I love you, beautiful." I whispered to her as I climbed out of bed.  I gathered her clothes except for a sweatshirt and some sweatpants for her to wear today and neatly packed them into her suitcase.  I slipped into new clothes, then packed my own clothes into a bag.  I smiled to myself, happy that I can help Lauren in this little way.

Eyeing my beautiful girlfriend, I skipped off the bathroom to take a shower and collect everything we needed.  I turned on the water and quickly stepped into the shower.

*Lauren's P.O.V*

I woke up and felt the side of the bed next to me, it was cold and empty.  I opened my eyes slowly and looked around the room.  Camila was no where to be found and I began to panic.  I closed my eyes tightly, flipping over, then opened them again, re-scanning the room.  Still no Camila.

"Camz?" I whimpered quietly, no response.  I was alone.  I couldn't handle being alone.  "Camila?!" I called, waiting for my girlfriend to respond.   "CAMILA!" I screamed at the top of my lungs.  "Camz? Camila!" I continued to call, squeezing my eyes shut and covering my face with my hands.  I began to sob hysterically. "Camila?" I whimpered in between sobs.  My nails began to dig into my the flesh around my eyes.  It was happening again.  Tears flooded down my face as I dug harder into my skin.

"Lauren!" I heard a familiar voice yell.  I felt her soft hands grasp my wrists, trying to pull my hands away from my face.  "Baby, let go, I'm here, it's okay." She tried to soothe me, finally pulling my hands away from my face.  I kept my eyes locked closed.  "Lauren," Camila paused, "Lolo, look at me.  Baby, nothing's gonna get you.  Just look at me." she said softly.

My eyes blinked open.  Camila was standing next to me.  Her eyes screamed with fear, her face wrinkled in concern.  Her hair was wet and plastered to her face, a bright white towel wrapped tightly around her body.

"I woke up and you weren't there, and something just came over me, and I was alone, and-" tears rolled down my cheeks and Camila interrupted me.

"I was in the shower.  Don't worry, I know you can't help it.  Babe, don't cry.  I'm right here." Camila whispered.  I pulled her into bed next to me, but she hesitated.  "Let me change then I'll come give you cuddles." she smiled, sweetly.

I shook my head vigorously trying to stop the tears before I spoke again.  "No, please don't leave again." I whimpered.

"But I'm in a towel, Laur."  Camila giggled.

I gently smiled, my face still stained with tears.  "I don't care, you're beautiful.  Plus, I just need you, Camz."

Camila reluctantly nodded and climbed next to me.  She opened her arms and let me crawl into them.  "I love you, Lauren Michelle." she whispered into my ear.

"I love you too, Karla Camila." I smiled into her chest.

Her damp hair engulfed us.  My mind flashed back to our first time, after our bath, in the hotel room.  I shivered.  She looked down at me and kissed my temple, "What are you thinking about, love?" Camila wondered aloud.

"Just you.  Us.  How much I love you." I smiled up at her.

"Awwwwee." Camila cooed, "You're adorable." she kissed my nose.

"I can't believe it all started on the X-Factor.  We were complete strangers and now look at us.  We're best friends, we're in a group, living our dream, and most importantly here we are." I squeezed her lightly, "You're the love of my life and I wouldn't want it any other way."  Camila smiled and me again but didn't say anything, a certian sadness appeared in her eyes.  "Now what are YOU thinking about, Camz?" I ran my fingers through her knotted, wet hair.  She shrugged and looked at the ceiling, I could see tears well up in her eyes.  "Camila, please talk to me." I begged.

Camila turned over to face me, her arms retracted from around me, and wiped her tears away.  "Why Lauren?" she chocked out.

I looked at her confused, "Why what little Camzi?"  I took her hands in mine and rubbed my thumbs acrosed the back of them.

"Why?  Why did you do it?  Well, try to do it.  I love you.  How could you do something so selfish?!  Do you know what that would have done to me?!  How could you?!" she started to sound angry.  She shoved me in the chest pushing me away from her.

"Camz, I-" I tried but she cut me off.

"And a Troubled Girls Facility!?  I thought we knew everything about each other?  I thought we agreed to share our deepest depths with one another, Lauren?!  How could you leave such an important thing out?" she shoved me one more time, got up and ran to the bathroom.

I tried to run after her but my whole body just ached in response.  So I sat on the edge of the bed trying to figure out what to do and what to tell Camila.  I know I should have told her about all of it a long time ago but I didn't and now I can't take it back.  The only thing I can do now is tell her the whole truth.  "Camila," I called after her.  "Please come out.  Baby, I'll tell you everything.  I'm so sorry, just please talk to me."

I heard sniffles come from behind the bathroom door.  "Lauren, I'm sorry.  I don't know why I just got so angry." Camila whimpered from the other side of the door.

"Please come out here so we can talk about this like a civilized couple." I begged.  She finally unlocked the door and stepped out of the bathroom wearing a hoodie and some yoga pants.  "Come here, baby.  It's okay."

She came over to me and sat down next to me on the bed.  "I'm sorry I got angry." she said again.

"It's okay." I responded, gently.  "You're upset and scared.  I don't blame you."  I kissed her cheek and intertwined our fingers.  "Now ask me anything.  I'll tell you what ever you want to know, Camz."

"But I feel bad." Camila whimpered.

"Why, Camzi?" I questioned.

"Because, I need to be the one taking care of you not the other way around.  Yes I'm scared about losing you but you're in a much more fragile state than I am." tears brimmed across her water line.

I shook my head.  "No no. Camila.  Don't think that way." I moved my hand to her back and rubbed it gently.  "This is going to be a long journey of healing for both of us.  Some days I'll help you, some days you'll help me.  We'll take it all in stride.  Now talk to me.  What would you like to know?  I'm ready to tell you everything.  I'm ready to be completely myself with you.  I'm done with this mysterious outter shell.  I want you to get to see the inner me.  Just ask." I smiled reassuringly at her.

"Uhm, why? Why Lauren?  Why'd you try to kill yourself?" She asked softly.  I hesitated.  Not entirely knowing the answer but knowing I had to tell her something, but afraid if I told her everything she would be hurt or upset or blame herself.   "Please Lauren.  It's important to me to know."  Camila said, interupting my thoughts.

"Well Camz, how about we start with the beginning of the story?  It kind of leads up to that moment."  I said to her.  She nodded eagerly, falling back onto the bed.  I laid next to her and looked her in the eye.  "I told you stuff a while ago, about my past.  The night I first told you about my self harm, but I left out some pieces, so I guess I'll go back to the begining..."