Love Will Remember (Camren)

Chapter 8: The Letter

*Camila's P.O.V*

I whispered to myself as I wrote my note to Lauren, speaking the words allowed to make sure they sound okay.  I plan on giving it to her tonight.  Well, I plan on putting it on her pillow which she'll see when she goes to sleep.  It just kind of explains my feelings towards everything going on right now.  She's been really distant lately.  We don't sleep together anymore, we don't hug, we barely even talk, she hasn't even kissed me in two days, and don't even get me started on sex.  We haven't made love since before she got put in the hospital.  I shuddered at the thought of losing Lauren.  I have learned not to cry.  I can't.  Lauren can't know how much I'm hurt, she can't know how much she's hurt me.  I love her but it hurts when she shuts me out like this.

I signed the letter and sighed.  Looking around I noticed Lauren had gone into the bathroom to get ready for bed.  I took this opportunity to sneak down the bunk hall, trying not to wake the girls who were already asleep.  I quietly opened Lauren's bunk curtain and set the neatly folded paper on her pillow.  I ran my fingers over her blankets and frowned to myself.

I took a deep breath and sadly climbed into my own bed, cuddling with the blankets.  I miss Lauren.  I soon fell asleep alone once more with the thought of Lauren on my mind.

*Lauren's P.O.V*

I practiced my fake smile while looking in the mirror.  I splashed some water on my face to cover the fact I had just been crying.  Removing all my make up, I looked at myself in the mirror again.  I examined my features.  Why do I have to be so ugly?  What does Camila even see in me?  I've practically ignored her for the past couple days, I'm a horrible girlfriend.

So many triggers always run through my mind but I have to stay strong for her.  I guess I'll just try to sleep off my anxieties.

I made my way into the bunk hall as quiet as a mouse.  I started to climb into bed when a small, folded paper that smelled like roses caught my eye.  I settled into bed and unfolded the note.  Camila's loopy handwriting danced across the page.  Nervous of what the paper will read, I cautiously read:

Lauren,

Hey baby.  I thought I'd just write you a little note to tell you how I'm feeling.  I didn't know what other way to do this, so here it is.

Lolo, I love you.  I love you more than I ever thought was physically possible to love someone.  I love you more than words can express, and even though I know that I can't completely tell you with my written or spoken words how much you mean to me, I'll try as much as I can until I get it right.

I've always thought you were the most beautiful girl in the world since the day I met you.  The minute I saw you in the hallway at boot camp before results I thought my heart was going to jump out of my chest.  I didn't even know I could fall for someone like this, let alone it be a girl.  I never knew my significant other could understand me, care about me, and make me feel the way you do.  When ever I'm with you it's pure ecstasy.  I feel like I'm walking on water, like I have superpowers or something.  You make me feel invincible, like no one can tear me down.  Except you that is.  Lauren, do you even understand how it makes me feel when you ignore me?  How it feels to have my own girlfriend not be the one that hugs me every morning and kisses me goodnight?  It makes me feel like shit Lauren.

This letter isn't meant to target you at all, it's just to tell you how I feel.  I'm sick of trying to hide it.  I miss you, Lo.  I miss your touch, I long for it.  I miss your lips, I crave them.  I miss your embrace, I miss your cuddles, I miss our passion, I miss everything about us.  I miss how we were.  If you're acting this way for a particular reason, let me know.  If I did something, please just tell me.  You telling me you don't want to be with me would be so much better than all these unanswered questions I have.  If this is just you figuring out your shit, so be it, but at least tell me.  I'm not going to sit around, waiting for you to love me again, forever.

I love you so much and I would hate to lose you but if that's what will make this better and at least make us friends again, I'm willing to let go.  Someone once said, "If you love something, let it go.  If it comes back it was meant to be, if it doesn't it was never yours in the first place."  So Lauren, if it has to be I'll let you go.  This is the hardest decision of my entire life but I'm willing to do it if it makes things okay for you.  Overall. I just care about you, how you feel, and your health.  I'm willing to do ANYTHING that helps those things.

Just never forget how much I love you.  You're my everything babe and I hope we get out of this funk.  You're the most amazing girlfriend I could ever ask for.

Te Amo,

Camz<3

 

I set the paper down and wiped my eyes vigorously, tears quickly falling from them.  I got out of my bunk and crossed the hall to Camila's.  I pulled her curtain back slowly, while gathering my thoughts.  I tapped her shoulder gently, "Camz?" I whispered.

She rolled over and her beautiful brown eyes fluttered open.  She stared at me for a moment then finally uttered one word with a sad smile, "Lauren.."

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Hello!  I know this is short!  It's meant to be!  I just kind of wanted it to be just the letter.  So yeah(:  Hope y'all are liking the sequel so far!  Feedback is ALWAYS welcome(: