Just a Friend (Austin Mahone love story)

Changes?

I ran over to my Spanish class, almost late and in tears. Ms. Castillo looked at me but didn't say or ask anything, though she looked concerned.

I put my head down, not wanting to participate in anything anymore, just like I did when I was in Canada.

"Lily, levantar la cabeza de la mesa por favor." Ms. Castillo said ten minutes later. I lifted my head off the desk, not wanting to get in trouble with the teacher. Everyone looked at me, smirking because I was a teacher's pet who had gotten in trouble.

"Lo siento." I apologized. She gave me a look of sympathy before returning back to her lesson.

I kept my head up and tried paying attention but memories hit me harder than anything and all I saw was my Spanish class back in Canada. It was hurting my head a lot.

After half an hour of torturous memories, I raised my hand. "Ms. Castillo, may I go to the nurse?"

"Okay," she said, a bit relieved. I bet she thought I had a headache and me going to the nurse would make me concentrate when I came back. She wrote me a pass and I walked outside, staying to the right of the hallway. I walked slowly to the nurse's office that was downstairs, near the main office. Thoughts began running around in my mind. 

What can I do? Who do I tell? How can I tell anyone?

Don't.

The pounding in my head had gotten greater and there was nothing I could do about it. I felt light-headed and was getting weak in the knees. I was in front of the nurse's office, she smiled at me, concerned, before I passed out.

Austin's POV

"Babe, what are you thinking about?" Willow asked from in front of me. We were in economics and I just couldn't pay attention to anything. 

I looked at her face. Momentarily I saw Lily looking back at me but then Lily's hazel eyes turned to ice blue ones, her pouty pink lips became red thin ones, and her light brown flowy hair that smelled like sun kissed raspberry's became dead blonde hair that seemed to smell like chlorine. I stared at Willow hoping she would transform into Lily. She didn't.

"Nothing." I smiled before winking at her. She grinned and turned around, chatting away with Jasmin, the one I slept with. How could she talk to her friend as if nothing happened between us? If that were me I wouldn't be able to look at my friend the same way again. Just like with Faith. I wasn't able to look her in the eye. And neither could she. 

Snap out of it Mahone. Thinking about things like that will make you miserable and regretful. The only thing you need to know is that you didn't force sex on her, you were both equally drunk and it happened. How about you think about what's important? Lily, for example. 

My smile returned and I couldn't help but sigh. She was very important to me. A frown replaced my smile and I closed my eyes. How I could I do that to her? I broke her heart and then drove her into my friend's arms. Now I'm bullying her. I'm a piece of shit for that. The poor girl almost died being bullied but here I am, waiting for her to kill herself. 

I put my head down, trying not to punch myself. I was bullying her so she could kill herself. I promised I'd be her protector; her Superman. Instead, I'm acting as her murderer; her arch enemy. Not to mention I'm letting other people bully her. How could I do that to the girl I love?

My eyes widened. I said I loved her. Well I do, or I wouldn't be acting this way. I've never acted like this before. Does she still love me? Of course not, nobody in their right mind would love me, I'm too much of a jerk for her to love me, especially because of the way I've been treating her and continue to treat her. I deserve to be bullied again, spit on, beat and threatened like before, but this time to make sure I don't drag any other girls down with me. I can't do what I did to Faith to any other girl. I don't deserve to have a girl stand up for me and hang out with me when I treat girls like trash and do the same to them. Faith has a right to hate me. I used her. Got her drunk, telling her I was drunk and that it was alright if we break the rules for tonight, and brought her to a room. I took off her clothes and then mine, got into bed with my best friend and used her like I used everyone else. She mattered the most to me and I disrespected her, got her pregnant and told her she was a whore and that I wasn't the father of her baby, letting everyone make fun of her until she moved. I ruined her life. I ruined every girl that messed with me's life.