Lights off

Chapter 8 Tranquility

Spencer's POV

"Why were you crying this morning?" He asked softly and I froze. 

What? How? Did he notice this morning? I thought i looked fine. I felt butterflies in my stomach. Weird feeling. I wanna shout what's inside me. I'm fed up with bottling it up. What if i talk openly he'll hurt me? I mean I can't run. He's on the top of me, I'm between his legs. I can't even move. I'm laying on my body and i'm weak plus I'm blind and i can't see what he would be up to do. I didn't complete my scary thoughts, i was interrupted by him calling my name.

"Spencer." he said softly. still rubbing my cheek. I didn't feel his face very close. he was just sitting on the top of me. I don't wanna talk because if i do, i will cry and i'm tired of crying. I felt something in my throat. 

"Y-Yea." i managed to say trying to pull myself together. 

"Why were you crying this morning?" he asked the same way he did, calmly and softly. I gradually started breathing heavily. that thing in my throat is getting bigger. he backed away a little and pulled me into a hug. i burst into crying in his arms. he rubbed my back in a very relaxing motion.

"Shhh, it's okay." he said softly. I buried my head in his neck. I feel like i'm arousing his outrage with my cries and he'll get angry suddenly. but it's something out f my control. I'm just scared of him. and i can't get away. 

"I-I...Please... D-Don't hurt me." i splattered between cries. he pulled away and cupped my face and put my hair behind my ear.

"Spencer, I won't okay, and i will never." he tried to assure me as he brushed my tears with his thumbs but i wasn't convinced at all and i never will. because when someone loses their temper they lose it all, No controlling actions. "I need you to speak, openly. and I won't do anything to you." he said concerned brushing my tears. I sighed and my breath was really shaky.

"I...I'm scared-" i started breathlessly. "I'm afraid y-you might h-hurt me and..I...I feel helpless. I'm blind and-" i said as tears started running down my face again, consecutively. what if he's waiting for me to say a specific thing and take it as cue to hurt me. "Look, I-If you want anything. you can take to y-yourself. but please don't hurt me please." I managed to say with cracked voice and cried again as he pulled me into his arms, rubbing my back. 

"And...And i'm alone, I-I have no one." i said and he pulled away to hear me better.

"Hey, don't say that. you're not alone i'm here for you." he said softly while wiping my tears. To be honest, that was tremendously comforting. knowing that there's someone for me is really relaxing. But, unfortunately, it's from the wrong person. I just can't stand it anymore. I hate my life. Nothing good's happening. Everything is messed up. i was crying in his arms while thinking about all of this. each time i speak he'd pull away to hear me. i hate it when i don't know where to look. It doesn't matter in a situations i can't see a thing. i'm just sad. 

"I...I wanna die." once i said these I cried even harder while wiping my consecutive tears with my palm. he pulled away. and brought tissues to wipe my tears.

"Hey spencer, don't you dare say that again." he immediately said, sort of frustrated and annoyed. He didn't take a moment to think. "your life is worth living." he said angrily while holding my shoulders then he hugged me and continued rubbing my back. He sighed annoyingly, "Don't you ever say it again." he repeated.

"I'm sorry, I'm..I'm just tired...I'm tired of everything." i sighed disappointingly while crying. he hugged me again and I just kept crying in his embraces. 

"Shhh, it's okay." he said softly. "Everything's gonna be okay." 

I didn't want to say this but his soft voice made me sleep  in his arms leaning my head in his shoulders. Actually, he succeeded in calming me down.